“eventually you just must learn how to show up for yourself appropriately.”
Credits – Pinterest
For context, I love my country so much. I am really proud to be a Kenyan.
A little over a month ago, something I would call a revolution erupted. My people had been quiet for so long.
The government would wake up and come up with insane and punitive policies and most of the time, the impunity would be received with silence.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was the latest finance Bill. It started like a mere hashtag on the socials, it read “rejectfinancebill“. Personally, I tend to be really ignorant when it comes to such matters.
In my head I figured it was just going to run over for maybe a week and it will all be forgotten. Boy was I wrong! The opposite happened. It just kept gaining an insane momentum.
In between all that, it came to me that acting all ignorant and unbothered about such things, I was being unfair to my nation and my fellow Kenyans who were out there pushing and fighting for our country. I decided to enlighten myself a little.
It is sad that a lot of innocent lives were lost in the process. They will forever be our heroes. But it was such an awakening. There’s a powerful force that emerges when people decide to get over their ignorance.
Eventually the government had to pay attention to its citizens. People were not relenting. It was enough of being taken for granted.
It was very hilarious to watch the government fumbling and going on and on about someone funding the protests. Literally our own government was astounded by how enlightened everyone had become.
For a long while it almost felt like, us, the people of Kenya had been moving on autopilot. Blind to all the unfairness we were being subjected to. We had to wake up eventually.
That has literally been my case for a long while. Moving on autopilot. It got to a point where I got really tired and I literally had to step up for myself. I realized, no one else was going to fight for me. I literally had to get over moving through life casually like it meant nothing. So I summoned myself and I had to protest against ruining my own beautiful life.
I love shows that feel like coming back home to myself after a crazy day.
I have watched; sweet magnolias, Gilmore girls, virgin River, A million little things, Cedar cove, and now I am watching Chesapeake shores.
A few months back I always got so humiliated whenever anybody asked about the kind of movies/series that I enjoy watching.
I’ve always been super scared to be thought of as a daft. That reason was sort of making me hide parts of myself.
I always thought the kind of things I enjoy watching are silly and senseless.
I love smart people. I genuinely admire smart people. I have always carried that fear of not being smart enough. That projected anytime a person asked the question “so what do you watch?” I loathed that question. It got worse when an individual would go ahead and criticize my answer, even if it was out of sheer fun. To me, it always sounded like an insult of some sort to my brain.
Growing up in a family set up where both parents are there but major responsibilities are carried out by only one parent and in this case its a bit out of the normal because the parent making sure that things in the family are running smoothly is the mother.
This is quite different from a case where it is solely a single mom, because here, most things are defined and a little clear. In the case where the father (husband) is there but plays zero role, now here is where the mess is. Especially when he is honestly financially stable (monied) but you as the family never see what his money does or rather where he takes the money.
Most mothers being nurturers, you will find them doing the most to keep the family together. Most moms are just super humans ( not to be biased though). They will honestly make things happen, they will ensure things are moving in the family.
In most instances, they happen to operate within a very meagre salary scale as compared to their husband’s.
Such situations where the mom now takes up the role of the dad usually have diverse effects on the children in most instances. In such a set up you will find the mother abandons her most important role (andthis a personal judgement) of ensuring that kids grow up with the right morals and principles.
She will be so engulfed in making sure that at the end of the day there is food on the table, bills are sorted, ensuring security at home bla bla and the list goes on. She basically shoulders on more than she can bear. In most instances what does that yield? Depression.
Most millennials have grown up in such family set ups. Did most of our mothers spot the redflags in the early stages of their marriages? Yes they did. They chose to stay anyway. Why? Society.
Back in the day society was a little bit harsh on women who would make the bold decision of walking away from toxic marriages. Phrases like “a woman is theone responsible for making her own home.” (Home in this case being an ailing and toxic marriage.)
Another reason most of them chose to stay was “for the sake of the kids.” Detrimental if you ask me. That kids should grow up with a father figure. I agree, but what was the entire point of this when the father was technically never there to begin with?
Let me take you back a little on my point about society, society simply just had a way of degrading women who gave up on their marriages. To the eye of the society, this women were outright immoral. Heartbreaking. I am aware that up to this age and time we barely pay attention to the downfalls of the man. Mostly the woman would and will always be on the receiving end.
With such messed up family set ups, most children ended up carrying a lot of baggage into adulthood.
Confidence, self-esteem issues, morals and basic life skills are some of the important virtues that should be instilled in Children. Now what happens when the mother is wallowing in the business of shouldering all the family burden on her own? She basically barely has time even for her own well being. At that opportune moment, mostly such things do not really matter much to her. She simply has so much more going on inside her.
So as a kid in such a dynamic, no one pays attention to you. Yes you grow up being grateful that you have your parents, in fact you tend to over glorify your absent father. Trying so hard to prove your worth to him. Very gut wrenching.
Years go by and you turn into a teenager, adolescence and all those changes start setting in. Other than the things taught in school, which by then were very scarce if you ask me the child has basically no other place to learn from. Teenagers need their parents bigtime. You know, being talked through the changes occurring in your body, the challenges and the importance of valuing yourself. Self worth.
In this case where does the mother find the time for all that? In between early mornings and getting back in the evening, beat and frustrated and most of the time irritable, all she wants to do at this point is to rest and be away from everything and everyone. This quite makes the daily routine.
I salute all the moms who have had to encounter such dynamics. Hell what if they chose to sit back!! Some of us won’t have made it past primary school. Personally, I am grateful.
Sadly after it all, most of us tend to feel the effects of having an absent father later on in our adult life. We soldier on regardless.
