Month: April 2026

In April, I finally found the answer to a question twin flame with dreads always asked me (hi sir!).

“Why have you tied so much of your worth to money?”

Liberating is an understatement.

It was never really about money to begin with. It was about the insecurities I hadn’t faced, that were quitely haunting how I saw myself. 

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that money would be the perfect bandage for a bruised self-image.

Haaaaah. Let’s laugh at that for a second.

I was chasing money from a wounded place… then wondering why it kept running further away.

(And please don’t get me wrong, I’m still not there yet. Notice I said yet.)

Money is a tool. That’s it.

A tool for freedom, comfort… bla bla bla…. But it was never meant to heal my self-worth. My self-image. My self-esteem. That was always my responsibility.

And ever since that question was asked, I’ve been looking inward, trying to understand myself through that lens.

That has been April for me. Eye-opening. A lot of ego deaths. A lot of choosing to embody love instead of chasing it externally. I’ve had good days. I’ve had exhausting days. I’ve had moments where I let the wind sway me around and I chose to trust the flow. In a nutshell, I have genuinely lived in April.

I walked into this month saying, “God, surprise me.” And I’m walking into May with the same words,  “God, surprise me,in the most beautiful ways.” 

I know a lot of beautiful things will be unfolding in May.  I’ll be tracing parts of myself back to 2024 (I know, it sounds confusing… but it makes sense to me).

My dearest sweetheart Lyn (Keyrababy) is moving to the U.S…..I have mixed feelings about this, but I’m so deeply happy for her.

Another friend is stepping into a season we’ve prayed for,  yesterday she told me that me and her boo aren’t allowed to touch booze until December in solidarity… I told her someone has to keep the “ratchetness” alive. Balance.

I just… love how life is unfolding.

Because if I look back, this time last year?

I was in the bottom burrel of the trenches. My life had taken such a bad turn.

There were days I begged my heart to just pause… just for a moment. It blows my mind how I managed to live through such intense pain. Surreal. 

But even then, something beautiful was forming underneath all that pain.

I’m a lot of things. I identify as religious, but I’ve allowed my mind to stay open…curious.

Sometimes it grows big wings and it wanders into interesting ideas. For instance I saw that last year (2025) was called the year of the snake….because it involved a lot of shedding, pain, transformation. And 2026, this year .. is referred to as the year of the horse….movement, momentum, forward motion built on everything that broke you open before.

Call me weird. I accept.

Anyway… existing in a regulated nervous system was the cheat code all along.

My heart is full. Truly full.

I am excited for chapter 5 and all the beautiful moments ahead. I am sealing this with God’s grace.

Wishing anyone one who’ll bump into this rewarding month ahead, in your own way.

Cheers.

Please make sure you are alive while still alive

I think imagery is a talent on its own. I can bet with my life that someone, somewhere before me has said this…but honestly… yes. I deeply respect imagery.

I love writing. Clearly.

I’m not the best, not the most polished…far from it, but I genuinely love putting my thoughts into words and giving them life.

That said, there are things I know I struggle with.
Number one on the list….imagery.
Number two… sex scenes.

What do we even call that style of writing?

There’s a word for it, Google has failed me, but you get what I mean.

The point is, I struggle to describe those kinds of moments. I can’t even sext… is that still a thing? I don’t know. But even that falls under imagery, doesn’t it?

A friend of mine, a renowned author..has his first two books in poetry. Good poetry. His latest, Renditions of the Soul, is a gem.

After publishing it, he mentioned wanting to write a novel.

In my head, I was like, finally.

Then about a week ago, he asked me to go through his manuscript.

Guys… my heart is doing funny things (and see, this is exactly what I mean about imagery).
I read the first ten pages, took a screenshot, and told him..
“This is going to be a banger.”
Let me not say too much… but daaaamn.

Life lately has been… beautiful.
And for someone who speaks so loudly about authenticity, I had to sit with myself and really observe where I wasn’t being honest on my end.
This is my life. My tiny, soft, beautiful life.
Somewhere along the way, my ego convinced me that people were watching …really watching, how my life is unfolding. That there’s some invisible audience forming opinions, judging, measuring.
But let’s be honest.
Why would I assume there’s a group of people somewhere deeply invested in my life like that?
And even if there were… why should that have any weight?
So I’m letting that go.
That quiet pressure. That illusion that my life is a performance.
I’m no longer chasing perfection for an audience that doesn’t exist.
I’m learning to appreciate my own milestones.
They don’t have to make sense to anyone else.
They don’t have to look big or impressive.
They are mine.
And that’s enough.
I’m no longer chasing timelines either.
My pace. My terms.

Detachment.
I’m not perfect at it, but I’m genuinely living it now.
If I compare myself to who I was a year ago… I’m winning. Quietly, but surely.

On love…
I’ve reached a place where I can say this without hesitation….I am the love.
I’ve accepted every part of myself. And that, for me, has been the most important shift.
I won’t wake up every day feeling it,but even on the days I don’t, I’ve built something within me that can hold me steady.
I’m no longer searching for love externally.
I’m embodying it.
And that has changed everything.

This….this right here is what I adore.
Putting my thoughts into words. Giving them life. Bliss.

I’m hoping to finish my friend’s manuscript today.
I’m excited for it. I’m excited for him.

And most importantly, I salute every writer who can master imagery… and those who can write steamy scenes without breaking a sweat.
Because clearly… that is a gift.

Now let’s go ahead and make this week beautiful.