One of those days.

It is one of those days.

Caught up in worry and confusion. Worse off now I am feeling guilty for questioning the beautiful peace I was busking in, the other day.

I am currently like, “God please grant me back the peace I was questioning the other day and I promise I will behave.”

Such days are inevitable anyway.

Life is just super interesting.

Cheers

My little pleasures

I woke up and sat up, staring directly at the window that was still closed. Gazing intensely at nothing.

Yes, it felt peaceful and no, time didn’t slow down at an agonizing pace. In fact I lost touch of that, I promise you I can barely account for how long I was sat in that position. It was so peaceful. It almost felt like I was floating.

Voices and sounds from outside dimmed away.

Rachel my sister walks into my room and finds me completely zoned out. She laughed, asked me what I was doing staring at the window. “I am organizing my day” I responded back with a smile. She laughed at that again. It sounded funny maybe, I don’t know.

Credits Lella Taborelli from Pinterest

I was serious. I was sorting through my day.  I write a to- do list occasionally usually a day before. Yesterday I did write one up. Somehow though I woke up and figured I needed to stare right into nothingness and sort through my to-do list again.

Probably my sister went to work thinking I’m either turning into a psycho or I am outright depressed. Bless her heart♥️.

I am a certified weirdo. I like myself that way though.

And yes, I’ll have a conversation with my sister later, talk her into seeing that, sometimes staring into nothing isn’t always a result of depression or whatever. At times it just feels awesome zoning out and sorting things little by little from within.

Cheers❤️

Weirdo

It’s Tuesday today.

A Tuesday that feels exactly like Monday. Yesterday had a Saturday feel to it. Weird how I put feelings to days. Or is it weird that certain days carry a certain feel with them. I don’t know. I know most people say time is just a construct. So why is my mind playing tricks on me like this?

So what’s more weird, the fact that I am so peaceful without any underlying worries or how I am now starting to worry because I am just too peaceful?

C’mon Val!😂.

Cheers y’all.

Yes I am a cheesy girl.

Who would you like to talk to soon?

I thought, today’s prompt kinda has a cheesy feel to it. I know why I thought that. I know myself 😂. Yes I am cheesy. So I figured I  should be cool and just skip it again like I did yesterday, but here goes nothing

My boyfriend and my mom came to mind all at once.

I also thought of saying “myself” but again I speak to myself almost every second. Myself and I, are ever having deep and intense conversations.

My mom is my literal heart ❤️. I love her to death.

My boyfriend is my dream, I say this to him occasionally. I could live inside his skin. He knows this.

Okay let me stop right here, I know someone will definitely roll their eyes while reading this. 😂Sorry.

Cheers.

Late bloomer

 l love tulips, if you ever think if getting me flowers. I mean it will be so kind of you to get me flowers since as a person, I’m also just starting to bloom. Thanks in advance.

Let me be a mindful girl today, hello gorgeous stranger on the other end! How are you doing really? Be genuinely honest with yourself as you answer that, please! Good.

I bet most people will not relate to this. I also know without a doubt though that there is a soul out there that will relate entirely.

Our paths are curved out differently. I can’t shameless get off my path and start walking on my neighbors path and expect it to get me to my destination. I wouldn’t even be able to walk my neighbors path appropriately to begin with. My neighbor understands her own path. She knows where and when to put the best foot forward while on their path.

I am a late bloomer. That’s the hardest and the most cruel truth about myself I have had to swallow.

I have known that for a long while now. I noticed it while I was a teenager. I could see how my peers expressed themselves. I saw how they carried themselves about and I knew there and then something was missing. As I would say now, I felt my vibe and it was strange, strange in a not so perfect way. I just didn’t have the language to describe it yet. Having the language to describe it has played a major role. Accepting it, is where the real task was. Yes, I am writing about it now because I finally made peace with. 

For a while I thought I was just dumb, lazy and unlucky with a brain that couldn’t just come up with ideas. I know that was harsh. I silenced the negative self talk eventually. 

Having an awful sense of worth and the most whack self esteem steals so much from a human. I spent a good number of my years hiding and running away. So that means I spent another good chunk of years working on rebuilding my self esteem and sense of worth. 

So no, I am neither dumb nor lazy, I am not unlucky and I have a beautiful brain. I just had a bunch of layers I was hiding beneath. Fear is a bitch if you don’t handle it effectively. 

I have worked on my self worth and now I am ready to face the world. 

I am ready to bloom now. Though late, but I am ready.

I know I will not be able to go back in time and grab the amazing opportunities I missed because of how insignificant I felt then, but I believe the universe has curved out my path towards amazing opportunities. I will walk that path with my head held high. 

I am definitely not after any high glamour I am not built for that, I am after something more gratifying. My soul aches for that. I am an old soul, my kindred spirits know what people like us ache for.

I am confident the universe was very purposeful with me, I mean c’mon!. See blooming late hasn’t entirely been a pain, it has brought a lot of revelations to light. I am flowering authentically. Totally refined by the processes. 

There is a reason as to why I am always very loud about self confidence and self worth. And as long as I am alive, I will be as loud as I can be about the two. And I don’t mean being cocky and mean. I mean knowing your self worth in the most fulfilling and rewarding ways. 

Cheers to all the late bloomers out there, you are doing the work and you are on the right path. Just forge ahead. 

Wishing you love and light 

Thanks in advance again for the tulips.

PS: One year and a few months down the line. I am genuinely grateful I wrote this. 🤣I was spiraling. But I was also motivating myself.