In April, I finally found the answer to a question twin flame with dreads always asked me (hi sir!).
“Why have you tied so much of your worth to money?”
Liberating is an understatement.
It was never really about money to begin with. It was about the insecurities I hadn’t faced, that were quitely haunting how I saw myself.
Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that money would be the perfect bandage for a bruised self-image.
Haaaaah. Let’s laugh at that for a second.
I was chasing money from a wounded place… then wondering why it kept running further away.
(And please don’t get me wrong, I’m still not there yet. Notice I said yet.)
Money is a tool. That’s it.
A tool for freedom, comfort… bla bla bla…. But it was never meant to heal my self-worth. My self-image. My self-esteem. That was always my responsibility.
And ever since that question was asked, I’ve been looking inward, trying to understand myself through that lens.
That has been April for me. Eye-opening. A lot of ego deaths. A lot of choosing to embody love instead of chasing it externally. I’ve had good days. I’ve had exhausting days. I’ve had moments where I let the wind sway me around and I chose to trust the flow. In a nutshell, I have genuinely lived in April.
I walked into this month saying, “God, surprise me.” And I’m walking into May with the same words, “God, surprise me,in the most beautiful ways.”
I know a lot of beautiful things will be unfolding in May. I’ll be tracing parts of myself back to 2024 (I know, it sounds confusing… but it makes sense to me).
My dearest sweetheart Lyn (Keyrababy) is moving to the U.S…..I have mixed feelings about this, but I’m so deeply happy for her.
Another friend is stepping into a season we’ve prayed for, yesterday she told me that me and her boo aren’t allowed to touch booze until December in solidarity… I told her someone has to keep the “ratchetness” alive. Balance.
I just… love how life is unfolding.
Because if I look back, this time last year?
I was in the bottom burrel of the trenches. My life had taken such a bad turn.
There were days I begged my heart to just pause… just for a moment. It blows my mind how I managed to live through such intense pain. Surreal.
But even then, something beautiful was forming underneath all that pain.
I’m a lot of things. I identify as religious, but I’ve allowed my mind to stay open…curious.
Sometimes it grows big wings and it wanders into interesting ideas. For instance I saw that last year (2025) was called the year of the snake….because it involved a lot of shedding, pain, transformation. And 2026, this year .. is referred to as the year of the horse….movement, momentum, forward motion built on everything that broke you open before.
Call me weird. I accept.
Anyway… existing in a regulated nervous system was the cheat code all along.
My heart is full. Truly full.
I am excited for chapter 5 and all the beautiful moments ahead. I am sealing this with God’s grace.
Wishing anyone one who’ll bump into this rewarding month ahead, in your own way.
Cheers.
Shadow to my light. 