The weight of uncertainty

Voi town – Taita Taveta

“You have made my day, Larry,” Kortney rejoiced. “Though you’ll have to travel there, familiarize yourself with the place, and see if it’s somewhere you could imagine settling,” he continued.

At this point in her life, Kortney had no business being picky about where she ended up. She was ready to settle anywhere, even with aliens, if that’s what it took to land a job.

She had graduated two years ago with good honors, of course, and like many others, her hopes had been high. But luck? Luck had stayed far away. What had started as a few weeks of job hunting had spiraled into months of rejection. Eventually, hope itself had abandoned her.

Kortney had done a decent job of filling the empty days, but the distractions never lasted long. From being someone’s “wife” in a shortlived relationship, to drowning herself in alcohol, she eventually found herself sinking deeper into depression. Life had not been kind to her.

Now, standing at the crossroads, the prospect of something new, anything new,felt like a lifeline. Maybe this strange opportunity Larry was offering could be the change she needed. She didn’t care if it was far away or unfamiliar. The truth was, she had nothing left to lose.

But then, she looked up, catching her reflection in the nearby window. For the first time in a long time, she saw something other than defeat in her eyes. Maybe this was it, the chance she’d been waiting for.

^^(an excerpt from a book I’ll never really get to write 😅)^^ cheers.

Self approval

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

Not believing in my abilities and always getting caught up in the fear that I had an audience around me. Ready to criticize me.

I know I don’t blame it all on myself , as in the lack of confidence and self worth. To some extent these things are natured.

Though I know I regret the chances I lost because of a whack sense of worth. Either way, I learned my lesson regardless. That’s the beauty and privilege of growing up. Like I said the other day, I am blooming in my own way.

Books are heaven sent

“that we all understand that the pain of loss is what gives the rest of our life color and flavor and texture.”

I am sitting here wondering what next I’m going to do with my life since I just finished reading this awesome, heartwarming book. I also know that, this is going to be a very weird book review because I am too excited to think straight.

In her author’s note to the reader she says,“I didn’t know what this book was about when I started it. Even when I was halfway through it, I still wasn’t sure. But now that I’ve finished it, I finally get it. This book is about the bravery it takes for us to love someone when we all know how every love story ends. It’s about choosing love over fear again and again. It’s about showing up and being brave even when it’s going to hurt like hell.” She couldn’t have said it any better, that to me is simply the definition of being alive and truly living.

I’ve never been taken by a fictional novel like how this took me.

You know, you just feel so connected with the book as you go.

Realistically written, no cheesy lines (I hold nothing against cheesy lines, in fact I love cheesy lines, but you get my point right?)

Every paragraph kept me glued. I started reading it in the middle of the night because mostly when insomnia hits, that’s usually how I find sleep. But weirdly the book kept me awake, it just kept getting better. It kept me engaged through and through.

I stopped at page 397 because I was scared of getting to the end. In a few hours the book had literally become a huge part of my every day. I promise I’m not exaggerating.

As fictional as it is, it has healed parts of me. I’ve picked a thing or two from it.

The humour, the smart responses,the punchlines, the community. Outstanding.

I am heavy on healing and allowing love and life into our hearts and lives,  the book was basically all about that.

I’ll probably write a better review when I’m not in my feelings, but in this moment I am just so exhilarated and over the moon. Lucy Score is a good writer, no scratch that. Lucy Score is an exceptional writer. The book is a total ten. She deserves her flowers.

“Flip the bird”

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

I am currently reading “Things we never got over” by Lucy Score. It’s by far the most engaging novel I’ve read. And I promise I’ve read a bunch of fictional novels. But there’s just something about this particular one.

Anyways, I love the language they use. A combination of decent and a few curse words here and there. It gives off a more relatable approach regarding communication.

Okay I wasn’t trying to write a review. So while reading I bumped into “Over her shoulder, my brother flipped me the bird.”

I swear before yesterday I’d never heard the phrase before so I went searching for it.

Flip the bird is actually the last thing I searched on my Google.

Can you feel energies?

I have a psychic side to me. Please don’t laugh. I’m trying to put on a serious face right now . I know I am a weirdo and I wear that like a crown.
I enjoy listening to people, and I also pay attention to energies.  I know it can be hectic differentiating between overthinking and intuition. But at times you just know when something feels off, right?

(I’m demure, I’m mindful, I’m cutesy 😂) I disappeared from social media for a day and suddenly everyone seems to be throwing the aforementioned phrase at every instance. Anyway that aside, I also just wanted to go with the bandwagon for a minute, I’ve been really wanting to use that phrase.

Speaking of social media, I’m not the coolest on my social media by the way. I just exist on there. So I noticed a particular lady, very charming and low key. She would like all my Instagram stories. That piqued my interest, and like how y’all would have done I went straight to her page to find out who the lovely princess was. She barely had any pictures of herself, but there was only one. Which she had posted back in 2018. The rest were random cute pictures of buildings and flowers and cute balconies. A sweet girl.

Her Instagram stories were basically cute quotes and thoughtful memes.  With time she stopped just reacting and she would send thoughtful comments. I started doing the same. For a minute I thought she probably knew me from somewhere.

I say nice things to people. Probably I’m just thoughtful, or my people pleasing side is wild. So I decided I was gonna text her, my Dm read something like “I can tell you are an awesome soul. Keep that up and have an awesome week ahead.”  Maybe you can tell me how creepy that sounds, but I just knew I needed to tell her that. I wasn’t expecting a response in return. But she responded.

Her response read “you just made me smile and for the rest of the week I’m gonna come back to this anytime I’m feeling low to lift my spirits a notch higher. You also sound like a good soul and maybe we should hang out soon, coffee on me.”

I chickened. I turned into a whole chicken. I am socially awkward, though everyone I know disagrees with this.  So you know what I did, of course yes I replied back, but I lied to her that I lived in some remote county and if I ever find myself in Nairobi we were definitely going to have that coffee. She said “cool”. I could almost feel that she saw through my bs..

I could actually have said yes and we could have met over branch or something. But there are two reasons I said no, one; a wild imposter syndrome swept over me because I felt like she was waaaay beyond my level for us to be friends (I know I shouldn’t be saying such things). My second reason is, I think I’d rather keep this mentality I have about her, that she is the nicest person. Getting to know her might actually ruin that.

But one thing I can bet on is, I know she’s a good person with a gorgeous heart. I can feel her energy. I feel people like that. Maybe it’s weird, but I know a good number of people move with intuition like that.