Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun.

Indebted to the oblivion

Heal! 

People would casually throw that word around for shade or fun. I was pretty much young. Still fumbling my way around everything. Come to think of it I have always felt old, no matter how young I was. So when I refer to myself as an old soul, I mean that literally. 

I was deep in a crisis. For a long while, I carried bitterness around like a crown. My mind was almost always overflowing with awful thoughts. Awful thoughts mostly about myself. At that time I didn’t have the language to define that. Most of us didn’t.

On the outside, I was always a ball of joy. Lol. I know I know. Okay I mean on the outside, you could never tell that there was a tornado happening on the inside. Constantly someone would randomly throw a “do you ever get upset” and I would return that with a smile knowing truly. 

I was a timid girl, technically I would keep to myself and stay in my head. Catch me dead standing up for myself back in the day. 

Thinking back now, at times I get really upset about the girl that I was. Just recently someone talked me against victimizing myself. That was another milestone into my healing. That’s how I was able to move past a lot of things. That’s how I was able to admit that in most circumstances I had a role to play. No matter how intense and unfair the circumstances were, I was always present at the scene you know.

Until around 2022,that is when I familiarized myself with what “heal” really meant. The dynamics and all. 

It is now 1:23 am. I just realized my healing journey started a while back. Way before I noticed that I was now coming face to face with my demons and I needed to address them one by one. And boy did I. 

The bitterness, the insecurities, the anger, the brain fog, the fatigue, constantly feeling lost, the confusion, the crazy decisions.. (I could go on for days) .. that was me finally coming home to myself. 

It was quite a journey to take and a part of me is grateful that I was oblivious of the journey, because if someone ever whispered to me what I was embarking on, I promise you I would never have taken any step into it. So yes I am forever indebted to the oblivion.

A long the way I also suffered a lot of humiliation. I betrayed people and I was betrayed in equal measures. The humiliation though. You know you are literally walking into a version of yourself you’ve never met before trying to truly find yourself. There’s no way to avoid humiliating circumstances. No, I no longer cringe to them in case you are wondering. In fact I speak boldly about them. Lol I ate the cringe and ran with it.

I am tattooed. I have little cute tattoos. I got them while I was trying to find myself. No, I do not regret either of them. I love them. I no longer stress about external validation. I know because I walk into rooms and people still cling to the person I was while I was still finding myself and it doesn’t drive me insane. 

Yooooh! 2022 straight into 2024 were tough years. When I was turning 27 I wrote “26 has mostly been for growing. Growth isn’t easy but it is genuinely worth it.” A daunting yet very rewarding journey. 

I am genuinely grateful that I familiarized myself with healing and everything else around it. 

I sit back and watch myself accepting all of me and I just marvel. I nod proudly at that unfolding. A beautiful unfolding.

Healing brought growth into the scene. Growth was worth it, but acceptance has been very rewarding. It totally stole the show I swear. 

Not everyday is sunshine and honey clearly, but at least everyday you know you have a soft landing, your true self to fall back on.

I also recognize that, it’s not a journey made for everyone and that is totally okay.

Sending love and light to everyone on their healing journey out there. 

A shrink….

In my next life I wanna be a therapist for real.

I always wanted to study communications, back in the day I would say it like “I want to be a news anchor when I grow up” you know, how we say that when we are in kindergarten.

As far as my memory goes, I always loved communication.

Somewhere after high school, the idea of studying psychology started dancing in my mind. I said it out loud to a few people , and I got discouraged so bad. So I went with communications.

I looooove communications. But I would kill to just be a therapist for a day. I’ve already played around with the idea and seen how communications and psychology could jell up.

I thrive in intensity. I love listening. I love hearing people out.

So yeah I would just be the happiest if I could become a THERAPIST FOR A DAY.

Sending love and light to all the good shrinks out there.

Cheers♥️

Credits to Pinterest.

Chapter 5 of Elegance and Abundance

I am not a city girl. I get really overwhelmed by big cities, I made peace with this already.

I love small intimate towns though. I love experiencing them.

So let me fill you in, it has been two months now since I threw in the towel at my previous job. No, not because I was defeated but because it was taking a bad toll on me. I am among those people who quit without a plan B. For that reason I haven’t been talking about my quitting to many people, because most of them won’t just understand okay. Not that I am less ambitious or less driven but I am grateful I made that decision. It’s crazy the number of times I have said this in the last two months.

I am manifesting a remote job. The flexibility that comes with working remotely. Why? Because other than loving small intimate towns, I desire to be a very present family woman. Haah I am grateful that lately I do not shy away from admitting certain things publicly without taking any walks of shame. That is my way of being authentic.

About loving small towns, I am writing this from a small town called Mwea. I love it. I love the experiences. Yesterday I decided to go get my hair done. I do this thing where I theme my months. So May is Chapter five of Elegance and abundance.

Since quitting and way before quitting I had neglected myself. That is the major reason why elegance had to be included in the theme for this month. The lady who did my hair was so gracious, a darling. She is among the people who will be lingering on my mind when I travel back. I am not quite sure where I’ll be traveling back to yet. But I know it is going to be a journey of good energy, good memories and abundance.

While job hunting for the remote jobs, the imposter syndrome won’t just let me be. It got me questioning way too many things that I should not even be questioning. My heart breaks when I start questioning my writing. I love writing. I love words. I love quotes too, a little too much. Boyfriend does not understand why I love quotes. But I just love quotes. God bless Pinterest and Threads.

This is just a gentle reminder to keep good thoughts and have good intentions.

Cheers to abundance and a worthwhile month of May.

I might not write beautifully, with the most polished grammar and perfect imagery but I know I write passionately and authentically. With that it shall be well.