Chapter 9 of 12 (The grandness of subtle moments)

I received my first bouquet of flowers from a bunch of sweet, thoughtful little kids. I promise, I’m not kidding.

I mean, it was a bunch of plucked bougainvilleas, but my heart melted all the same.

The rest of that weekend was blissful, with a touch of pink in every emotion I felt.

I kept the bougainvilleas in my room for about a week. I wished I could keep them longer, but I made sure to pick a few pieces and leave them at random pages in the books I have. I want that gesture from those sweet little angels to stick with me for a while.

Because truly, I’ve always known that life is in the details of such tiny gestures. But sometimes, it’s easy to forget.

You know… you’re sitting there, almost waiting and manifesting for some grand, glamorous gesture, when really, there are tiny, cute little joys happening all around you.

I wanted August to be easy on my emotions, and truly, it was.

Rather, I think I was very intentional about making sure that I handled myself with the utmost tenderness.

I caught the cutest sunset on the 15th of August. I was at Rouzie’s. I tried ignoring it. Then, almost subconsciously, I found myself walking to the balcony to get a good look.

I wasn’t satisfied.

So I went to the rooftop.

And there it was, in all its glory.

I stood and stared.

And all I could think about was, this is truly one of the sacred things about life getting to experience such grand, but also subtle, moments.

I stared for so long.

I cried a little.

I was too excited. I cry whenever I’m extremely happy.

Later that night, I wrote in my gratitude journal about how fulfilling it was for me to simply take the time to recognise the grandness of that subtle moment.

Normally, I would have missed it. Maybe I would have been entirely absorbed in my day-to-day life.

But not that day.

That day, I noticed.

I have received a lot of beautiful gestures in the month of August. You know, I’ve had moments when I’ve just had to sit and take it all in.

I know that, from other people’s optics, my life probably doesn’t add up.

Some might look at me and wonder what I’m doing still living at home, childless, with no traces of a husband… you know, society and its expectations.

Society and its expectations.

I’ve freed myself from those shackles, by the way.

I’m still trying to figure out the politest way to respond to people who come to me with that shade of, “Unajua unachelewa kuzaa?”

You know, if you’ve ever said that to me, just know that the insults I lodged your way inside my head were horrendous.

Personally, I know the inner work I’ve had to do on myself. And I can’t even explain the gratitude I feel whenever I remember that….

“Sure, Val. This version of yourself? You’ve gone to war for her.”

Inner work isn’t visible work.

But I know the quality of the life I’m living now, from within me. Let me just smile.

August was genuinely easy on my emotions, and I am truly and honestly grateful.

I’ve also truly seen how much I genuinely love Kisumu.

I mean, Kisumu has a special place in my heart, honestly. I’m being very intentional about exploring it. And truly seeing it.

With love.

I have collected beautiful memories.

And now, September.

Since 2019, the 11th of September has just never been an easy date for me. That’s when I lost my darling sister, ten 10 days after she had just turned 31.

Recently, I learnt that it feels a little easier on me whenever I say, “She transitioned.”

You know?

It feels more like she simply took another form.

I miss her so much.

So September usually feels heavy. The grief usually feels too intense.

Even through that, I want to truly experience September.

I want to collect tiny, cute, beautiful memories.

I want to notice the sunsets.

I want to laugh.

I want to sit under trees and feel the breeze.

I want to live.

And I want September to be easy on my emotions, especially.

Maybe that’s what I’m learning now that tenderness isn’t only for the days that hurt. It is also for the days that are beautiful enough to make you cry.

So, September, be gentle with me.

And to any sweet soul who happens to bump into this, may your days be filled with so much light, and may you experience peace in everything.

Cheers 🌸

Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun. View all posts by Miss Injairu