My guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships 😅(heeeh!)

Haaaah! Unajua nacheka kwanini? Okay let me put on my serious girl’s pants.

Usually, I say boundaries are for yourself, not the other person.

So what do I mean by that?

Let’s say you tell someone, “I don’t appreciate insults.”

That’s honestly for you.

You don’t have to negotiate it. It doesn’t have to become a debate. It doesn’t require a PowerPoint presentation explaining why basic respect matters. It is simply a standard you’ve set for yourself.

And one idea that weaves seamlessly into this is the statement….. “Everyone you interact with is you pushed out.”

Now, before anyone starts throwing tomatoes, this is how I personally understand it …. if you don’t respect yourself, you’re far more likely to tolerate people who disrespect you. If you constantly place other people on pedestals, you’ll likely find yourself attracting people who don’t fully appreciate your existence.

So, let’s jump straight into Val’s guide to setting healthy relationship boundaries.

1. Self-love

Baby, I’m going to hold your hand while yelling this…

“You cannot outsource your self-love.”

I learnt this lesson the hard way.

If you genuinely do not love yourself, who are you handing that responsibility to?

It has to begin within.

And I’m not talking about the superficial version of self-love. The spa days. The solo dates. The expensive candles.

Those things are lovely…and easy.

I’m talking about the deeper kind of self-love. The kind that starts with accepting yourself. Respecting yourself. Trusting yourself. The kind that remains even when life isn’t particularly pretty.

Healthy boundaries are built on that foundation.

2. Learn to be yours first before becoming “somebody else’s”

Can you genuinely enjoy your own company?

Not tolerate it.

Enjoy it.

Because, honey, no healthy boundary can survive extreme codependency.

If your entire identity is wrapped around another person, every boundary you attempt to set will feel like abandonment instead of self-respect.

3. Self-awareness

Are you aware of who you are at your core?

What matters to you?

What hurts you?

What makes you feel safe?

What makes you feel unseen?

Because if you don’t understand yourself, how exactly do you expect to communicate your needs to someone else?

Self-awareness is where boundaries begin.

4. Authenticity

Haaah.

Of course I’m Val. I say the word authenticity at least a million times.

But hear me out.

Boundaries are supposed to work for you.

If they’re not coming from an authentic place, how can they possibly be effective?

A boundary that exists to impress people isn’t a boundary.

A boundary that exists because TikTok told you to have it isn’t a boundary.

Your boundaries should reflect your values, not someone else’s.

5. Have a life outside the relationship

Besides the relationship, do you have a life of your own?

Friends?

Interests?

Goals?

Dreams?

A personality that exists independently?

Because if everything about your life revolves around the relationship, your boundaries won’t hold.

Relationships should complement your life, not become your entire identity.

6. Emotional regulation

Honestly, I could write an entire guide on this one.

Because if you ask me, this is where the cheat code is.

You can’t go through adulthood throwing emotional tantrums and expecting people to always understand.

At some point, you have to learn how to regulate your emotions.

You have to learn how to sit with discomfort without exploding.

You have to learn how to communicate without weaponizing your feelings.

And perhaps most importantly, you have to heal your nervous system.

Because emotional regulation strengthens self-respect.

And self-respect and boundaries are basically two peas in a pod.

Before I go, here’s a completely random bonus boundary…

Honey, please stop snooping through their phone.

No amount of investigating is going to change a cheater’s character.

If someone wants to betray your trust, they will.

And if they don’t, you’ll spend your days creating anxiety for yourself over things that may not even exist.

Save yourself the trauma.

Your peace deserves better.

Anyways that’s Val’s guide…. to setting healthy relationship boundaries. (🤣Na hamtawai jua nilikua nacheka kwanini)

Cheers

Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun. View all posts by Miss Injairu