Is it worth it..

I looked at her, elated. I guess it was pure admiration I had for her. She had so much love to give. Her gaze told it all, behind those eyes there was a burning and a yearning I couldn’t fathom. It was a brave yet delicate gaze.

Clearly those beautiful hazel eyes had cried the most tears. Was it really worth it? I asked her… She pauses for a minute and then continues, “I honestly dislike that question,” haha! her honesty was so pure..and I was also counting the number of times she had used the word “honestly” since we started that conversation. She says she disliked that question because, she couldn’t help but get agitated at how people viewed being selfless as being stupid. ” and yes it was all worth it, every other time I sit down with myself, looking back I appreciate that at the end of the day I never made any heart bleed, I gave the best I could. It’s about my conscience, it’s about me. I wasn’t dumb.”

“If love ever crosses your path again would you still go for it?” She gave a stern yes. “I would still, fortunately and unfortunately people like us still exist.” I dug deeper for me to understand what she entirely meant with ‘people like us’. Boy!! This girl had been through it all. It’s always the pure ones that go through the most pain. I thought to myself as she continued with her narration.

She had other amazing ambitions. But somehow she had to pause a little on her journey, she needed to heal the wounds and patch back her broken pieces. Now she has beautiful scars. The scars she has, and trust me others are physical scars, they all have a deep story behind them. She is family oriented. It has been her childhood dream to one day have a beautiful family. She has her reasons why. Very valid and deep reasons.

She was a pure soul. Too real to be in this ruthless world. The cruelty she had endured, I went numb just listening to her. And for a minute I appreciated the heavens that I wasn’t like her. Though I honestly admired how she stripped naked when it came to her emotions. She expressed them with a genuineness that I’ve never heard of before.

Her vulnerability was powerful. I envied her here. That is something most of us will never have the courage to try. “But I guess I scare them away” She thought loudly to herself and I joined her in those thoughts, probably that was true, like how I would never want to go deep with my emotions, like how I preferred just being on the surface, maybe that’s how everyone else she had met on her journey was. Scared.

“But I am tired, my heart is weary now” she said as she moved from the spot we had been sitting on for what felt like an eternity, the wind was now becoming too massive.