Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun.

This doesn’t feel great.

I have been feeling stuck for quite a while now. I’m stuck in a loop.

It doesn’t feel great.

I’m trying to be careful not to make a wrong move. I know myself. I’m usually very impulsive.

I’m stuck at a very toxic work place. For quite a while now, I know the best decision will be quitting. I know I should quit.

I already have a list of things I would jump right into, after quitting. I have my plan. The elephant in the room is, how will I sort my bills out after I quit, before everything else aligns?

Now that’s the loop I’m caught in. It’s pretty much weird because, I do not know how I am surviving right now, because we are literally not being paid.

I can’t wait to meet myself on the other side of this. For now, I’m really just exhausted.

I know this is the kind of writing that should go somewhere in my personal journal, but you know what, I’m gonna leave it here anyway. Lol.

Cheers.

A random memory.

I grew up in the countryside. A very beautiful and intimate village in the Western region of Kenya.

I love that place with every fibre in me.

My sister loved hanging out with this neighbor. She was way older, this neighbor. They were the best of friends though.

She, my neighbor was widowed. So technically she understands grief really well.

This one evening she was seeing us off, I always would follow my sister around. She hated that🤣. I loved being in her space so.

The subject  of death came up. My question was simple “How, do people handle death” I preceded “I don’t know I’d ever handle this life past losing a loved one.” Their answer was simple,  and really cold. “You just accept it has happened, that’s everyone’s path”

I refused to let that sit in my head. At the back of my mind, I always silently wished that I’d be the first to die in my family. I couldn’t fathom losing any of my family. They are my heart those ones. ❤️

Two years down the line, my sister, the one I always would follow around died.

I was like wtf! How do I move past this.

Sadly life goes on.

This was just a random memory..❤️

My gems

Who are your favorite people to be around?

I consider myself extremely lucky.

I have a bunch of awesome people in my life.

I am not ready to start writing about my mom now. She’s my literal heart that one. See those people you sit around with in silence, and the silence still feels extremely wholesome. She is my favorite human.

But yeah I have a bunch of other awesome people in my life. I can talk to my boyfriend for days. Our conversations usually revolve around weird topics with some much depth.

I am a weirdo, so I appreciate all the weirdos, that’s my tribe. Those are my favs. 😅

Cheers.

About Today

It has generally been a beautiful day, it being my mom’s birthday just made it fantastic.

Aside from that, there has been nothing unique on today. I was awake by 5:30 am, I didn’t get out of bed until 7:00 am. It’s like I get a rush from getting myself late. I have no idea when I’ll be intentional about showing up in time. Talk about bad habits.

I went to work, one day I’ll just give you an entire narration as to why I hate my workplace. I don’t hate my work. It’s the workplace I have an issue with. I know I’m supposed to be grateful and all that, but after I tell you about it then you’ll understand my hatred.

I got back to the house in the evening, I guess this is my every day favourite part of the day. I love being in the house. I live deep in the countryside, an interior village located in Taita Taveta. Well the natives of this place won’t agree with that because according to them, where I live is in “town” it is urban according to them.

I have an evening routine, I kinda love routines.

It’s way past 8:00pm and I’m just seated chilling watching “love is blind” please don’t judge me. I hear a little commotion outside. I don’t like drama at all. The noises coming from outside sounded interesting. I wanted to get the “tea” but unfortunately I couldn’t.

It is 11:37 pm now, and my curiosity won’t just chill. It is nudging me so bad. I wish I had an idea what all that noise was for. Probably it involves a man, mostly it usually involves a man.

I will never know though. I know tomorrow I’ll be over it🤣 will I though? I can’t even ask around, I’m the awkward neighbor who barely talks to people.

So I guess that was the most interesting part of today. The suspense.

I am intentional about making everyday good though. Cheers.

Somewhere in Taita Taveta

Marshmellow

What’s your favorite candy?

🤣 I know I can be a joke at times. Seriously though, does marshmallow fall under the category of candy? Yes/No. Well I don’t know, but I know I love it. Is it my favorite though? I don’t know, it’s the only sugary thing I can stand.

I’m not a sweet tooth.

I love chili and spices.

Also my other answer should have been cotton candy. Cotton candy sends out good vibes. It is just beautiful to look at and walk around with. Cotton candy usually gives rich aunty vibes.

I know I probably sound like a joke 🤣 but I chuckled the minute I read today’s prompt.

I never thought I’d ever have to write about my favorite candy, but well this was fun.

Ps. I don’t mean marshmallow the musician. I love his songs though, but like I don’t mean he’s my favourite candy. 🤣

Cheers.

Work

What do you complain about the most?

Honestly, I am not going to go like ” ooh lately I have learnt how to practice gratitude and gone are the days I would complain….” No that doesn’t even sound anywhere close to being human.

It is true though, I have learnt how to be grateful about every little thing you know, just getting out of bed, having running water… little things like those make my world sustainable.

Genuinely though, the thing I’ve constantly been complaining about lately is my work. I have zero passion for the place I am currently working. I’ve just learnt how important it is to also pray for a good working environment while we are praying for jobs. A toxic work environment is genuinely damaging.

I can’t just pretend not to pay attention to the damages it is doing to me and with that comes a little complaining here and there..but yeah that’s just it. ❤️

I’m trying to change the situation though.

Cheers🌷

My perfect imperfection ✨

What are your biggest challenges?

I feel things deeply and I mean extremely, on one side that can be a strength and on the other side it can be a weakness. Most of my worry comes from that.

This is the greatest hurdle I’m handling. I’m slowly teaching myself how to regulate.

Radical acceptance is something I am learning to embrace. Through that I am able to maturely sit with my most uncomfortable emotions and self regulate.

All my other weaknesses actually spring from my extreme emotions. It’s basically the elephant in the room😅.

My perfect imperfection.