Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun.

Chapter 5 of Elegance and Abundance

I am not a city girl. I get really overwhelmed by big cities, I made peace with this already.

I love small intimate towns though. I love experiencing them.

So let me fill you in, it has been two months now since I threw in the towel at my previous job. No, not because I was defeated but because it was taking a bad toll on me. I am among those people who quit without a plan B. For that reason I haven’t been talking about my quitting to many people, because most of them won’t just understand okay. Not that I am less ambitious or less driven but I am grateful I made that decision. It’s crazy the number of times I have said this in the last two months.

I am manifesting a remote job. The flexibility that comes with working remotely. Why? Because other than loving small intimate towns, I desire to be a very present family woman. Haah I am grateful that lately I do not shy away from admitting certain things publicly without taking any walks of shame. That is my way of being authentic.

About loving small towns, I am writing this from a small town called Mwea. I love it. I love the experiences. Yesterday I decided to go get my hair done. I do this thing where I theme my months. So May is Chapter five of Elegance and abundance.

Since quitting and way before quitting I had neglected myself. That is the major reason why elegance had to be included in the theme for this month. The lady who did my hair was so gracious, a darling. She is among the people who will be lingering on my mind when I travel back. I am not quite sure where I’ll be traveling back to yet. But I know it is going to be a journey of good energy, good memories and abundance.

While job hunting for the remote jobs, the imposter syndrome won’t just let me be. It got me questioning way too many things that I should not even be questioning. My heart breaks when I start questioning my writing. I love writing. I love words. I love quotes too, a little too much. Boyfriend does not understand why I love quotes. But I just love quotes. God bless Pinterest and Threads.

This is just a gentle reminder to keep good thoughts and have good intentions.

Cheers to abundance and a worthwhile month of May.

I might not write beautifully, with the most polished grammar and perfect imagery but I know I write passionately and authentically. With that it shall be well.

Serenity

I usually get so frustrated any time I am asked about a place in the world I would want to visit.  Not because I am spoilt for choice, but simply because I just have no idea. Is that some form of ignorance? I don’t know.

But I know the kind of places I would love to visit. I know how they feel. I know what they smell like. I know what they will bring out of me and that should be enough for now.

Serenity.

A gem I mastered in highschool

“There is communicating and there’s communicating appropriately“

Whew! I know I am weird. In highschool my adolescence was on the pick, I mean it was for most of us. 

I wanted to be a model. My self esteem wasn’t pretty much in the pits. I was very timid though. So that just went away like that.

I learnt how to communicate appropriately in high school. There is communicating and there’s communicating appropriately which pretty much involves listening and paying attention to non verbal cues.

I know it’s a never ending process, but I’m glad I started mastering that while I was in highschool.  Pretty late to some and pretty early to others but I’m just grateful that I mastered it while in highschool.

I am not perfect at it, but I try everyday.

Cheers.

My Pretty Little Fears🫂

It is generally a good day.

I love it.


I woke up feeling better, waaaay better. I thank God for the good health that I’m continually walking into.

It has been a while since I just felt like myself. God, I do not take this for granted. I love what I’m feeling.

I am majorly grateful for the fact I am at a place where I am learning how to master my emotions and self regulate. I have moments when I’ll cry. That’s perfectly okay.

I don’t like it when people just decide to be mean for no absolute reason. Someone just decides to be a prick, but that’s on them right?

So I’m basically learning how to carry myself around such individuals.

Most of the time in my head, I can’t help but think “my God you are such a daft” when someone behaves outrageously.

Currently we are in a world where we have the right tools, we have enough language to express our concerns. A lot of things can be solved by simply just having a decent conversation. No insults, no mean words, no throwing around tantrums…I mean.


I disgraced I know.


A good number of people I interact with, usually say they like how I communicate.

I genuinely do not know what happens when it comes to my family. My communication  skills go in the pits. I usually end up sounding like a senseless baby. With my family I just usually go on defense mode.

There’s probably something I need to unpack in there. I don’t like it whenever I go on defense mode like that.  My values are sort of sweetly strange. Everyday I’m pulling myself out of victimizing myself. If there’s one thing I’m constantly grounding myself on, is taking accountability and being careful enough to see what role I played in situations.

It’s a blessing. I can’t even start explaining how much peace I get from that. 

Maturity also, maturity to me revolves so much around authenticity. I want to bring out my authentic self. We all have aspects of being two faced once in a while and I am working everyday to limit mine.


In a very long while, I’ve been loud and proud about how I am African, but there was always something in there. I always wished for long luscious hair, blue eyes and all those  standards of beauty that got set at one point. But I am working through that also. For a minute I think I just got so defiant and comfortable, I haven’t been putting in any effort when it comes to looking after myself appropriately. I just realized now my self esteem that I thought I was earnestly working to build has been on DND … literally. So I want to get better.  So I want to be genuine and accepting about my being African. I want to earnestly accept my big nose, I want to accept my not so perfect hair, I want to adore my brown lazy eyes and my awesome East African forehead.

It’s wild. I have even been freaking out about stepping out with my boyfriend (He knows about this, we talked about it. He was so gracious 💖 He is my buddy we talk about everything). He loves the beach. He loves good places like Watamu, Zanzibar, Lamu etc.

Lamu

You know the kind of places the white people like hanging out. So I always thought I would be so out of place and not comfortable.

Talking about it has genuinely helped.

I know city girls will think I’m such a let down, but calm down that’s my way of being authentic.


I love feeling things deeply. I want to be entirely comfortable when I visit a certain place and that’s why in case of any fears, no matter how cringe…I’m gonna talk about them.


Insecurities. Today, boyfriend said he’s gonna go to the gym and stretch a little because he has been a cabbage for several days.

I just used his exact words and I don’t understand what’s with him and  cabbages. I was excited like “for sure babe because the cabbage was starting to stink already,” but I also told him, not to look at girls. Sounds silly, but I know we all get such silly and weird insecurities.


I quit my 9-5 job. I’ve said it here before. But I did and I appreciate that I did.


I know this is a conversation that was supposed to go inside my diary never to be read by anyone else other than myself.

In fact I just copy pasted it from my diary (I leave a screenshot for evidence),

hey diary

but I know a fellow weirdo might relate, so let me just leave it here. We are healing our wounds together. We are gonna grow our confidence together mate


I know I also digraced so much but well😂☺️. This has been fun.

cheers

Oooh before I go, I just gotta say this I love that I can now talk to my mom about my boyfriend without any cringe.

It is the most freeing transition adulting has blessed me with, I wish I mastered it earlier enough but well☺️ I’m just so grateful. She is my person. I love you mom. (She doesn’t know I write private things in public forums but it just feels awesome hyping her a little)

Hope everything else will align.

“People don’t leave jobs, they leave toxic work places”

My first reaction to the prompt has been a loud laugh, “like hey universe are you spying on me”.

Tomorrow will be my last day at work. I have been nagging here a lot about how toxic my work place is.

Of course quitting hasn’t been an easy decision to arrive at. It gets to a point where you choose your mental health and hope everything else will align.

I appreciate the growth. But noo, I wouldn’t be leaving if I loved my job.

Ps I loooove my career, it’s the workplace that has been the issue.

Cheers.