Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun.

Late bloomer

 l love tulips, if you ever think if getting me flowers. I mean it will be so kind of you to get me flowers since as a person, I’m also just starting to bloom. Thanks in advance.

Let me be a mindful girl today, hello gorgeous stranger on the other end! How are you doing really? Be genuinely honest with yourself as you answer that, please! Good.

I bet most people will not relate to this. I also know without a doubt though that there is a soul out there that will relate entirely.

Our paths are curved out differently. I can’t shameless get off my path and start walking on my neighbors path and expect it to get me to my destination. I wouldn’t even be able to walk my neighbors path appropriately to begin with. My neighbor understands her own path. She knows where and when to put the best foot forward while on their path.

I am a late bloomer. That’s the hardest and the most cruel truth about myself I have had to swallow.

I have known that for a long while now. I noticed it while I was a teenager. I could see how my peers expressed themselves. I saw how they carried themselves about and I knew there and then something was missing. As I would say now, I felt my vibe and it was strange, strange in a not so perfect way. I just didn’t have the language to describe it yet. Having the language to describe it has played a major role. Accepting it, is where the real task was. Yes, I am writing about it now because I finally made peace with. 

For a while I thought I was just dumb, lazy and unlucky with a brain that couldn’t just come up with ideas. I know that was harsh. I silenced the negative self talk eventually. 

Having an awful sense of worth and the most whack self esteem steals so much from a human. I spent a good number of my years hiding and running away. So that means I spent another good chunk of years working on rebuilding my self esteem and sense of worth. 

So no, I am neither dumb nor lazy, I am not unlucky and I have a beautiful brain. I just had a bunch of layers I was hiding beneath. Fear is a bitch if you don’t handle it effectively. 

I have worked on my self worth and now I am ready to face the world. 

I am ready to bloom now. Though late, but I am ready.

I know I will not be able to go back in time and grab the amazing opportunities I missed because of how insignificant I felt then, but I believe the universe has curved out my path towards amazing opportunities. I will walk that path with my head held high. 

I am definitely not after any high glamour I am not built for that, I am after something more gratifying. My soul aches for that. I am an old soul, my kindred spirits know what people like us ache for.

I am confident the universe was very purposeful with me, I mean c’mon!. See blooming late hasn’t entirely been a pain, it has brought a lot of revelations to light. I am flowering authentically. Totally refined by the processes. 

There is a reason as to why I am always very loud about self confidence and self worth. And as long as I am alive, I will be as loud as I can be about the two. And I don’t mean being cocky and mean. I mean knowing your self worth in the most fulfilling and rewarding ways. 

Cheers to all the late bloomers out there, you are doing the work and you are on the right path. Just forge ahead. 

Wishing you love and light 

Thanks in advance again for the tulips.

PS: One year and a few months down the line. I am genuinely grateful I wrote this. ðŸĪĢI was spiraling. But I was also motivating myself.

Indebted to the oblivion

Heal! 

People would casually throw that word around for shade or fun. I was pretty much young. Still fumbling my way around everything. Come to think of it I have always felt old, no matter how young I was. So when I refer to myself as an old soul, I mean that literally. 

I was deep in a crisis. For a long while, I carried bitterness around like a crown. My mind was almost always overflowing with awful thoughts. Awful thoughts mostly about myself. At that time I didn’t have the language to define that. Most of us didn’t.

On the outside, I was always a ball of joy. Lol. I know I know. Okay I mean on the outside, you could never tell that there was a tornado happening on the inside. Constantly someone would randomly throw a “do you ever get upset” and I would return that with a smile knowing truly. 

I was a timid girl, technically I would keep to myself and stay in my head. Catch me dead standing up for myself back in the day. 

Thinking back now, at times I get really upset about the girl that I was. Just recently someone talked me against victimizing myself. That was another milestone into my healing. That’s how I was able to move past a lot of things. That’s how I was able to admit that in most circumstances I had a role to play. No matter how intense and unfair the circumstances were, I was always present at the scene you know.

Until around 2022,that is when I familiarized myself with what “heal” really meant. The dynamics and all. 

It is now 1:23 am. I just realized my healing journey started a while back. Way before I noticed that I was now coming face to face with my demons and I needed to address them one by one. And boy did I. 

The bitterness, the insecurities, the anger, the brain fog, the fatigue, constantly feeling lost, the confusion, the crazy decisions.. (I could go on for days) .. that was me finally coming home to myself. 

It was quite a journey to take and a part of me is grateful that I was oblivious of the journey, because if someone ever whispered to me what I was embarking on, I promise you I would never have taken any step into it. So yes I am forever indebted to the oblivion.

A long the way I also suffered a lot of humiliation. I betrayed people and I was betrayed in equal measures. The humiliation though. You know you are literally walking into a version of yourself you’ve never met before trying to truly find yourself. There’s no way to avoid humiliating circumstances. No, I no longer cringe to them in case you are wondering. In fact I speak boldly about them. Lol I ate the cringe and ran with it.

I am tattooed. I have little cute tattoos. I got them while I was trying to find myself. No, I do not regret either of them. I love them. I no longer stress about external validation. I know because I walk into rooms and people still cling to the person I was while I was still finding myself and it doesn’t drive me insane. 

Yooooh! 2022 straight into 2024 were tough years. When I was turning 27 I wrote “26 has mostly been for growing. Growth isn’t easy but it is genuinely worth it.” A daunting yet very rewarding journey. 

I am genuinely grateful that I familiarized myself with healing and everything else around it. 

I sit back and watch myself accepting all of me and I just marvel. I nod proudly at that unfolding. A beautiful unfolding.

Healing brought growth into the scene. Growth was worth it, but acceptance has been very rewarding. It totally stole the show I swear. 

Not everyday is sunshine and honey clearly, but at least everyday you know you have a soft landing, your true self to fall back on.

I also recognize that, it’s not a journey made for everyone and that is totally okay.

Sending love and light to everyone on their healing journey out there. 

A shrink….

In my next life I wanna be a therapist for real.

I always wanted to study communications, back in the day I would say it like “I want to be a news anchor when I grow up” you know, how we say that when we are in kindergarten.

As far as my memory goes, I always loved communication.

Somewhere after high school, the idea of studying psychology started dancing in my mind. I said it out loud to a few people , and I got discouraged so bad. So I went with communications.

I looooove communications. But I would kill to just be a therapist for a day. I’ve already played around with the idea and seen how communications and psychology could jell up.

I thrive in intensity. I love listening. I love hearing people out.

So yeah I would just be the happiest if I could become a THERAPIST FOR A DAY.

Sending love and light to all the good shrinks out there.

Cheersâ™Ĩïļ

Credits to Pinterest.

Chapter 5 of Elegance and Abundance

I am not a city girl. I get really overwhelmed by big cities, I made peace with this already.

I love small intimate towns though. I love experiencing them.

So let me fill you in, it has been two months now since I threw in the towel at my previous job. No, not because I was defeated but because it was taking a bad toll on me. I am among those people who quit without a plan B. For that reason I haven’t been talking about my quitting to many people, because most of them won’t just understand okay. Not that I am less ambitious or less driven but I am grateful I made that decision. It’s crazy the number of times I have said this in the last two months.

I am manifesting a remote job. The flexibility that comes with working remotely. Why? Because other than loving small intimate towns, I desire to be a very present family woman. Haah I am grateful that lately I do not shy away from admitting certain things publicly without taking any walks of shame. That is my way of being authentic.

About loving small towns, I am writing this from a small town called Mwea. I love it. I love the experiences. Yesterday I decided to go get my hair done. I do this thing where I theme my months. So May is Chapter five of Elegance and abundance.

Since quitting and way before quitting I had neglected myself. That is the major reason why elegance had to be included in the theme for this month. The lady who did my hair was so gracious, a darling. She is among the people who will be lingering on my mind when I travel back. I am not quite sure where I’ll be traveling back to yet. But I know it is going to be a journey of good energy, good memories and abundance.

While job hunting for the remote jobs, the imposter syndrome won’t just let me be. It got me questioning way too many things that I should not even be questioning. My heart breaks when I start questioning my writing. I love writing. I love words. I love quotes too, a little too much. Boyfriend does not understand why I love quotes. But I just love quotes. God bless Pinterest and Threads.

This is just a gentle reminder to keep good thoughts and have good intentions.

Cheers to abundance and a worthwhile month of May.

I might not write beautifully, with the most polished grammar and perfect imagery but I know I write passionately and authentically. With that it shall be well.