Month: January 2026

It’s 5:48 in the morning as I start writing this.

I haven’t slept at all.

I know some people would say, “Val barely ever sleeps,” and they would swear by it.

My sleep is picky though. Somewhere around April last year, I started having genuinely good nights of sleep. I don’t know how it happened, because for the better part of my life, I simply didn’t sleep well.

What I do know is that I’m a very light sleeper. Most of the time, the slightest noise can wake me up. It could be something as huge as a pin dropping tiny, almost imaginary and I promise that would be enough. It could be someone snoring in the next room. Or maybe I’m just excited, in love, extremely anxious… or in a new territory where I feel like I’m invading space. That part is usually awkward, because tossing and turning is irritating to whoever is asleep next to you.

But somehow, for about a year now
..mostly while at home, I’ve learned to sleep through even pins dropping. Beautiful sleep. (Ask a light sleeper how much they treasure their sleep. Thanks.)

Last night, though, sleep didn’t stand a chance.

I came to bed knowing I’d manage at least some rest. Ha! The joke was on me. No matter how hard I tried to force my eyes shut, I couldn’t. Every time I felt myself almost drifting off, I snapped back awake to a racing heart, teeth grinding, throat tight, feeling like I was being choked to death by one of my own teeth.

The anxiety started in the morning.

For almost seven days now, there’s been someone who seems to have dedicated their life to insulting me. Some people genuinely cannot take rejection. Is it an ego thing? A self-esteem thing? A confidence thing? I don’t know.

I decided I wasn’t going to respond to the insults. I never respond to insults anyway…especially the ones that sound desperately dumb.

Instead, every time he insulted me, I blocked the number.

Yes, I also wondered how many WhatsApp accounts one person could possibly have. And how many phones. I remember Lynn asking me last week, “How is he pulling that? Is he putting a SIM card in, registering WhatsApp, then switching again?” I couldn’t answer her because I was equally confused.

Every time I blocked him, another number would text me. Sometimes he’d say something like, “Block hii pia,” and then proceed to say something incredibly stupid.

Because I also understand psychopaths, I left it at that.

At one point in January 2024, I received a WhatsApp message from him that read, “I’m going to kidnap you, and I’m going to kill you.” I shared the screenshot with a friend who advised me to get that thing from the police station…is it called an OB? Something like that. I thought, That’s a lot of work, and honestly, I fear the police. I also knew this was one of his tantrum episodes.

The wildest thing he ever said to me was back in April 22nd, 2023….he told me he was going to bewitch me. I laughed so hard.

In January 2022, he said he would locate my workplace and come unalive himself while I watched. I mostly just shook my head at his tantrums.

But yesterday, he overstepped. I said “hapana Val, huyu anakuja sana sasa”

So I unblocked one of his numbers and called him. The first number didn’t go through, and I immediately thought, “Okay Val, you’re in a maze.” Because believe me, this man has many numbers.

On the second try, the call went through. I knew he would pick.

In my head, I thought, I’ve worked on my nervous system for so long. This is the master of stoicism checking in. No sooner had he received the call (yes, I finally got to use that phrase) than I was already on my second word. I’ll call them words because, like I said earlier, I genuinely don’t know how to hurl insults. Aki Huwa sijui matusi honestly.

I started with, “What’s with your dish… respect!” Then I asked, “What’s wrong with your head?” I hate how I shake and stutter when I’m upset. I don’t even remember how it escalated into yelling at the top of my voice, but I remember saying, “You’re insufferable. You’re pathetic. You’re disgusting.” I went on and on, even after he hung up.

After the yelling, I sat down.

And I couldn’t think.
I called another friend who advised me to get a restraining order. I knew, in my head, that it would be genuinely exhausting but I also knew it would help. I decided on not getting it anyway (but in case I turn up dead, this should be your lead. Dark joke? Okay sorry). A psychopath has been on my case for years. That’s what not funny! For a couple of times he’s sworn on killing me.

I went through the day thinking I had released all the anger I’d been holding onto from every insult he’s ever thrown at me.

Until night came.

Until every time I tried to drift into sleep, I snapped back awake, heart racing, teeth clenched, throat tight.

I feel upset. So upset.

One of my favorite things to say, besides “genuinely,” is “I lead with my intuition.” I don’t know how I failed to smell how pathetic this would turn out before allowing him into my space at one point.

I also can’t understand how some people take rejection so personally. It’s never that serious. There are billions of amazing people walking this earth. I’ve taken my own Ls, and as painful as some of them were to swallow, I respected other people’s decisions.

Some people are just beyond help. Or like I told him, insufferable. Pathetic. Disgusting.

That’s how I haven’t slept at all.

That’s how I ended up sending a couple of quotes I found interesting to an amazing someone, then stopping myself when I realized I might be spamming. That’s how I picked up a book instead.

And because I had so much pent up anger with nowhere to put it, I figured I’d vent here.

And maybe leave a lead behind in case it’s ever gonna be needed.

Moral lesson….. let’s please learn to accept no as an answer without attaching a bunch of negative emotions to it.

It’s now 6:31.

Okay. Bye.

See you in another rant.

Love and light.