Chapter 12 of 12

Somewhere in the middle of the year, I read a quote that said, “There are flowers growing in my chest again.” I saved it. Somehow it made sense, but I thought it didn’t make sense in that moment not in the phase I was in.

Then on Saturday, 22nd November at 8:17 a.m., I got out of bed and the first thought that came to mind was, “There are flowers in my chest again.” I can’t tell why that was the very first thought, but I gently got up, headed to the living room to take my pen because I wanted to journal, and as I was walking, another thought struck me….“There are flowers in my chest.”
Not again. Because genuinely, I didn’t have an “again.” It was the first time I was truly feeling flowers growing in my chest.

For the first time, I felt so alive in my last stretch of 28 years of being alive.

I didn’t cry. I sat with the feeling. I felt it. Then I took my pen and I wrote… and I kept writing. And then I prayed.

The last paragraph of that journal entry read…
“28 years could be late. But it is not late for me. It is sacred. It has happened exactly how and when it was supposed to happen. Above everything, I am so grateful it has happened either way. I am so happy to experience flowers growing in my chest. I am so grateful to experience life within me. Love and light.”

Chapter 11 of 12 has been a mix of many things. On the first day of November I said,
“I’m walking into Chapter 11 with gratitude and love.”

And every day of it, I reminded myself to be grateful… even at one point when I almost lost my job, I still sat in the moment with gratitude. And that feeling has taught me just how much beauty there is in contentment.

I wake up every day to chase the life I desire, but layered within those beautiful ambitions, there’s a solid form of contentment that I’m still figuring out how to express. Honestly, I’ve been wanting to write about contentment, but I’m still feeling it.. still enjoying the beauty of it.

Taking every day with so much grace and gratitude. I have appreciated every day in this month of November.

Yesterday on Pinterest, I bumped into a quote by L. M. Montgomery that read…
“It was November, the month of crimson sunsets, parting birds, deep, sad hymns of the sea, passionate wind-songs in the pines.”

Something so simple, easy to ignore and read like it’s nothing… but it left such a profound emotion in my heart. I smiled. And then I thought, honestly, that’s basically been November for me.
I have cried.
I have laughed.
I have gone off on people who tried to cross my boundaries. (I no longer play about my boundaries)
I have grown.
I have mastered contentment.
I have listened to beautiful music.
I have listened to lovely sounds on YouTube.
I have danced so much in my room.
I have been tired.
I have been full of life.
I have made beautiful memories.
I have been met by the most amazing surprises.
I have learnt to pause before responding.
I have learnt not to take other people’s actions personally.
I have lived.
I have fallen in love with myself so hard.
I have found life within me.
This has been November for me.. layered with truly living.

I’ve been excited about Decembers since I was a kid, as far as my memory goes. But I have never been this honestly excited.. with the life inside me, with the flowers growing within me. This one is a different one.

Just like Chapter 11, I am walking into Chapter 12 of 12 with a heart full of gratitude. Praying that God sees us through the end of the year with His protection and grace.

Wishing every soul that will bump into this an amazing month ahead. Live a little. Party hard if that’s your thing, okaaay play haaaard, and take good care of yourself.

Love and light.

Cheers.

Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun. View all posts by Miss Injairu