Month: May 2025

The unimaginable

I just had a moment.
Like everyone else, I still can’t believe we are  the current adults now.

An old friend of mine, who’s a mom now (I have to remind myself of that every so often because, eiy 🤣), always says, “The smallest coffins are the hardest to carry.”

I’m not a mom yet. But I genuinely love babies. And somehow, babies just gravitate toward me.

So I get what she means.

Just this Wednesday, I wrote a letter in my diary to my future child. I even gave them a name, something unisex, for the balance.

My brother recently had a baby..Kibali. I’ve been with him since he was 0 days old. And honestly? I think, somewhere in his tiny heart, he might believe I’m his mom.
Okay, not to brag, but you should see how his face lights up every time he sees me. And he just turned three months old on Sunday.

He is my little darling right now. The reason my days feel lighter. When I see Kibali, it’s like everything turns to bliss.

Recently, someone in our neighborhood lost a child, not even a year old.
My heart broke for them.

I’ve been trying to imagine what they must be feeling. And all I know for sure is, it’s devastating.

I’ve lost my train of thought.
Some things are just too painful to imagine.

A nostalgic glimpse into my village

Do you remember life before the internet?

Of course I do!

I live in a typical African village, and watching it evolve over the years has been nothing short of epic.

I still remember when the entire village shared a single phone. If someone received a call, word would travel fast, literally. Someone would run across homesteads to deliver the message: “Your call is waiting.”

But what I miss most is not the technology or lack of it. It is the intentionality in our interactions. Most evenings, our parents would stroll to the neighbors’ compound, sit under a tree, and catch up on the latest village gossip. We kids? We’d gather and dive into games like “kati”, hide and seek, and “kalongo” until the moon told us it was time to go home.

Those were the kind of moments that filled our hearts, unfiltered and real.

Then came the shift.

First, more phones. Then, one in every home. Then Facebook. Twitter (now X). WhatsApp. Instagram.  And just like that, our quiet little world turned into a global village.

Suddenly, life outside became quieter. Not because people were not around, but because they were inside, eyes glued to glowing screens. Connection became easier, yes, but not always deeper.

Sometimes, I say… half-joking but wholly honest, that I would have thrived in a world without the internet. A world where messages were passed with smoke signals, drumbeats, or a neighbor’s knock at the door.

Of course, I appreciate the digital age and all it offers. But part of me still longs for the soul of a slower life, where presence was not a status, it was a way of being.

Pinterest

Cup From The Past

I know I write about the most random things, but hey just hear me out okay…

I got a cup from my friend’s place. Something just felt so right about this particular cup. It almost felt like I’d at one point met this specific cup in my previous life.

It felt so familiar.

There’s something so anciently beautiful about it.

It feels like it was picked from the 1900s.
See the literal reasons why I always refer to myself as an old soul.

Such a wholesome cup this one.


I brought it home, and everyone called it “kikombe ya kitambo”, (a cup from the past).
I found it curious how quickly they linked it to old age, as if history clung to its surface.

I’ve gotten a whole lot of unexplainable nostalgia. I can’t really put a finger on it. But I also know growing up, my grandma had a similar set of cups.

Maybe I’m just being extra but,.. the cup has been the highlight of my day. A familiar warmth.

Yeah that’s basically about the cup I borrowed from a friend.

I’ll probably have to name it, referring to it as “the cup” just feels so unfair and mean. Very diabolical. Cruel.

I know when tomorrow comes, I’ll have a name for it.

Cheers

Things money can’t buy

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

Such prompts usually leave me gapping,

It’s almost like, deep down to the core of who I am, I have the perfect response..but again in reality I go totally blank asin how do I put this into words, you know.

I talk a lot about a regulated nervous system and mastering calmness in all situations.

Most of the problems I’ve dealt with either sprang from dysregulation or an emotional outburst.

Learning how to master the two has been very vital to me.

I am being really honest here, I know so much is said about financial freedom and any other material thing that’s worth mentioning, but it’s almost like it’s super easy to achieve material possession you know…

A lot of things just don’t faze me, I say this and most people think I’m being entirely unrealistic. But that’s just who I am. This doesn’t imply that, I lack ambitions or anything. If anything, I don’t play about my goals .. I just have things I can’t play about.

I’m simply an old soul like that.

Having it all to me is majorly inclined to things money can’t buy, like genuine internal peace.

I know this sort of felt all over the place but yeah ..

Cheers🫶

A love letter to myself

Credits – Pinterest (umaima)

Dear Sugar,

How does it feel to finally be back home, to yourself?

First of all, wow! You have never written a love letter to yourself before. And look at you now, so comfortable expressing love inwardly. I love that for you.

I get it now, why it was once so hard to show yourself the kind of love you so freely gave to others. But I’m proud of how far you’ve come. I’m grateful that you no longer beat yourself up for the painful experiences you endured when self-love was just a foreign concept. The spaces you settled in, the people you tolerated, you see it all now, and you extend grace instead of shame.

What amazes me most is how, though it took years to reach this place of forgiveness, the moment the realization hit, you simply said, “F*ck that bullshit. I forgive myself.” Just like that. And it stuck.

You have written love letters to others , but today was different. Today, you thought, “wait a minute!” I deserve a love letter. And when you said, over and over again, “I love you. I freaking love you so much,” it was joyful, freeing. You didn’t cry, you laughed, because something inside you cracked open. Finally, you realized those words weren’t just meant for others. You could say them to yourself, and mean them.

You have looked for those words in others for so long. You love deeply, vulnerably, fearlessly. I know you’d go to war for the people you love. But it’s enough now, okay? You have given so much. Your cup was empty. And you know better now… you can’t pour from an empty cup. I love how self-aware you have become of that.

Just look at how you have been extending grace to yourself these past few weeks. I know a small part of you asked, “Why did it take me so long?” But you didn’t let that question spiral you. You caught yourself. Because you now know, it’s never too late to be better for yourself.

Just a few months ago, if someone told you “it gets better,” you might have laughed bitterly in their face. The pain back then was unbearable. Excruciating .You have broken down in strangers’ arms. Remember that week you spent unable to speak, afraid of choking on your own tears. You even flirted with the thought of not being here anymore.

You wrote to a friend in the middle of the night… “Death might be easy. I can’t do this shit anymore.”
She said, “Think about your mom.”
And you did. But you also thought about you. It didn’t make sense at the time, but you stayed.

You didn’t dare intoxicate yourself to numb the pain like you used to. You sat with it. Felt every bit of it. You cried more than a river. And still, you got up every day and carried the pain, without even noticing how slowly, it began to lift.

Look at you now. President of the “It gets better” club. But this time, you understand… it only gets better when you are intentional about it.

The breaking was necessary. You used to write in your journal, “It’s darkest just before dawn.” And here you are, protecting your peace fiercely. You have gone MIA, not because you are hiding, but because this season is for you.

When you are ready to re-emerge, the world better be ready too! You no longer doubt yourself. You no longer believe certain people or dreams are “out of your league.”

You are  unapologetically you, and it’s breathtaking to witness you ruffle your feathers like this. You are finally loving who you are, with no apologies. And that inner love is blooming…. because you know the universe loves you right back.

You see your flaws. You have made peace with them. You are evolving.

Yes, you have always been calm,,, this new calm though? It’s rooted. Grounded. Whole.

And damn, is it sexy watching you move through life with gratitude. Girl, in the past? You’d wake up bracing for the worst. Scanning for signs of doom. But not anymore. Now you know… the universe isn’t on a budget. You can ask for anything.

Your mindset is a muse. You no longer identify as “an overthinker” or “anxious” or someone with “shaky self-worth.” You have stepped fully into your essence, and it turns out, that’s where the treasure always was.

I’m proud of the woman you’re becoming, but even more proud of the woman you were, who didn’t give up.

I see you. I love how you wake up and simply choose to have a good day. You don’t react… you observe. Because you know now,  just because life isn’t always soft and glossy doesn’t mean you aren’t strong enough to handle it.

Your mindset is your compass now. It will carry you beautifully through life’s waves.

I can’t wait to see more of you. How you keep pouring into yourself, how you are going to leave love prints on every person and every place you touch.

It feels wholesome to be finally be back home to yourself yah?

I love you so much, Sugar. More than you can imagine.

Cheers.