Month: August 2024

I have a psychic side to me. Please don’t laugh. I’m trying to put on a serious face right now . I know I am a weirdo and I wear that like a crown.
I enjoy listening to people, and I also pay attention to energies.  I know it can be hectic differentiating between overthinking and intuition. But at times you just know when something feels off, right?

(I’m demure, I’m mindful, I’m cutesy 😂) I disappeared from social media for a day and suddenly everyone seems to be throwing the aforementioned phrase at every instance. Anyway that aside, I also just wanted to go with the bandwagon for a minute, I’ve been really wanting to use that phrase.

Speaking of social media, I’m not the coolest on my social media by the way. I just exist on there. So I noticed a particular lady, very charming and low key. She would like all my Instagram stories. That piqued my interest, and like how y’all would have done I went straight to her page to find out who the lovely princess was. She barely had any pictures of herself, but there was only one. Which she had posted back in 2018. The rest were random cute pictures of buildings and flowers and cute balconies. A sweet girl.

Her Instagram stories were basically cute quotes and thoughtful memes.  With time she stopped just reacting and she would send thoughtful comments. I started doing the same. For a minute I thought she probably knew me from somewhere.

I say nice things to people. Probably I’m just thoughtful, or my people pleasing side is wild. So I decided I was gonna text her, my Dm read something like “I can tell you are an awesome soul. Keep that up and have an awesome week ahead.”  Maybe you can tell me how creepy that sounds, but I just knew I needed to tell her that. I wasn’t expecting a response in return. But she responded.

Her response read “you just made me smile and for the rest of the week I’m gonna come back to this anytime I’m feeling low to lift my spirits a notch higher. You also sound like a good soul and maybe we should hang out soon, coffee on me.”

I chickened. I turned into a whole chicken. I am socially awkward, though everyone I know disagrees with this.  So you know what I did, of course yes I replied back, but I lied to her that I lived in some remote county and if I ever find myself in Nairobi we were definitely going to have that coffee. She said “cool”. I could almost feel that she saw through my bs..

I could actually have said yes and we could have met over branch or something. But there are two reasons I said no, one; a wild imposter syndrome swept over me because I felt like she was waaaay beyond my level for us to be friends (I know I shouldn’t be saying such things). My second reason is, I think I’d rather keep this mentality I have about her, that she is the nicest person. Getting to know her might actually ruin that.

But one thing I can bet on is, I know she’s a good person with a gorgeous heart. I can feel her energy. I feel people like that. Maybe it’s weird, but I know a good number of people move with intuition like that.

The idea of slow living is picking up insanely.

I can’t even figure out how I started romanticizing it for myself, but I know I love it.

From back in the day, it was evident I loved the countryside. I adored rural setups.

I don’t hold anything against the city I promise.

The idea of growing things and eating them directly from the farm fascinated me. Well it still does; only that now, it is nudging on me a little too hard.

Waking up to nature sounds and enjoying slow mornings was a fantasy I kept dear.

Evenings graced with sounds of satisfied cattle and excited poultry made me grin from ear to ear.

At that time I thought I was probably a little stuck up and boring.

The other day I received a call that I wished I hadn’t, the person on the other end was a little rude about my being unemployed. Indirectly she called me stupid and a loser in so many words. I flinched. Then I cried. I didn’t sleep that night, I just couldn’t.

The next morning, I was still devastated. But again I sat with myself. Then I journaled. And I remembered who I truly am to the core.

I know the kind of life I want for myself. I am a little crazy to believe I will get it. It is inclined towards the unconventional side, for that I do not bother explaining it out.

In the meantime, I am okay with being misunderstood. I am okay with being called a daft and a loser in many words.

One thing is for sure though, I refuse to be a slave to anything that doesn’t entail my desires and dreams.

I want to live a life that makes sense to me.

Some people just exist, and I genuinely do not want to just exist.