Late bloomer

 l love tulips, if you ever think if getting me flowers. I mean it will be so kind of you to get me flowers since as a person, I’m also just starting to bloom. Thanks in advance.

Let me be a mindful girl today, hello gorgeous stranger on the other end! How are you doing really? Be genuinely honest with yourself as you answer that, please! Good.

I bet most people will not relate to this. I also know without a doubt though that there is a soul out there that will relate entirely.

Our paths are curved out differently. I can’t shameless get off my path and start walking on my neighbors path and expect it to get me to my destination. I wouldn’t even be able to walk my neighbors path appropriately to begin with. My neighbor understands her own path. She knows where and when to put the best foot forward while on their path.

I am a late bloomer. That’s the hardest and the most cruel truth about myself I have had to swallow.

I have known that for a long while now. I noticed it while I was a teenager. I could see how my peers expressed themselves. I saw how they carried themselves about and I knew there and then something was missing. As I would say now, I felt my vibe and it was strange, strange in a not so perfect way. I just didn’t have the language to describe it yet. Having the language to describe it has played a major role. Accepting it, is where the real task was. Yes, I am writing about it now because I finally made peace with. 

For a while I thought I was just dumb, lazy and unlucky with a brain that couldn’t just come up with ideas. I know that was harsh. I silenced the negative self talk eventually. 

Having an awful sense of worth and the most whack self esteem steals so much from a human. I spent a good number of my years hiding and running away. So that means I spent another good chunk of years working on rebuilding my self esteem and sense of worth. 

So no, I am neither dumb nor lazy, I am not unlucky and I have a beautiful brain. I just had a bunch of layers I was hiding beneath. Fear is a bitch if you don’t handle it effectively. 

I have worked on my self worth and now I am ready to face the world. 

I am ready to bloom now. Though late, but I am ready.

I know I will not be able to go back in time and grab the amazing opportunities I missed because of how insignificant I felt then, but I believe the universe has curved out my path towards amazing opportunities. I will walk that path with my head held high. 

I am definitely not after any high glamour I am not built for that, I am after something more gratifying. My soul aches for that. I am an old soul, my kindred spirits know what people like us ache for.

I am confident the universe was very purposeful with me, I mean c’mon!. See blooming late hasn’t entirely been a pain, it has brought a lot of revelations to light. I am flowering authentically. Totally refined by the processes. 

There is a reason as to why I am always very loud about self confidence and self worth. And as long as I am alive, I will be as loud as I can be about the two. And I don’t mean being cocky and mean. I mean knowing your self worth in the most fulfilling and rewarding ways. 

Cheers to all the late bloomers out there, you are doing the work and you are on the right path. Just forge ahead. 

Wishing you love and light 

Thanks in advance again for the tulips.

PS: One year and a few months down the line. I am genuinely grateful I wrote this. 🤣I was spiraling. But I was also motivating myself.