Month: December 2023

Self-love🌷

What relationships have a positive impact on you?

The past one year has been an eye opener. It is said time and again how crucial self love is. Until you become entirely deliberate about it, you’ll never just get to the core of it.

I got back home to myself. I have become aware of the person I am. As simple as it sounds, it hasn’t been an easy task. One thing I’ve learnt is that, growth is a very essential process yet very uncomfortable.

Through growth, I’ve learnt to be in a healthy relationship with myself. The benefits up to this point have been profound.

I am a better person..not perfect. I love how I am able to catch myself. I love how intentional I am with myself and everyone else around me.

So for me I would say, self love has had a very positive impact on me.

Are such days necessary..

I understand that confidence is not linear. I’m gonna go ahead and expose myself a little here.

Last year, a time like this I had such bad acne. Before that, I never would understand the dent acne could leave on someone’s self esteem.

You know I was like” how? It is just acne, and acne should be normal” until it was my turn.

I kid you not, I made it a prayer item, the acne. It killed everything in me. Sadly, it also came with shame.

I dreaded the question “what did you do to your face?” Such a dumb question.

Everyday I would look at my pictures from before and beat myself up a little for not appreciating myself a tiny bit more.

I made a promise to myself, once the acne cleared I was going to appreciate myself more. One-year down, the acne did clear. Though my face isn’t yet back to it’s clear state but it’s waaaaay better from what it was last year. I am grateful for that.

But I feel like the acne went away with a part of me. I never look at myself the same.

I post on YouTube sometimes. Today I was in a whole mood of shooting a video, but one look at my face and I just turned off the camera.

Such days are inevitable I know, but I wish we never had such days.

And it’s on such days when my East African forehead decides to exaggerate.

Yaaaawns.

Cheers.

Emotional stability

What is something others do that sparks your admiration?

“Val I want to tell you something, but don’t take it the wrong way.” That’s how most of the people around me start their conversation with me.

I have everyone around me walking on egg shells because of my intense emotion.

I feel everything. I feel even those things that don’t deserve any emotion. Wearing my heart on my sleeves like this, isn’t something I am proud of about myself.

I love how everyone around me is able to filter their emotions. They know what to take to the heart and what not to.

It is so humiliating carrying around these emotions at my big age.

It’s even worse when it comes out as playing victim.

Random thoughts

It’s 11:57 pm. I got a new hairdo today. My eyes are heavy, but I can’t sleep. It’s uncomfortable. I’m trying to figure out a sleeping style that will not involve my head ( that doesn’t make sense I know). I am entirely braced for a long night.

Okay for a minute I have been distracted and now I’ve lost my train of thought.

12:04 pm the next day. Yes this is how much I got distracted.

I managed to sleep perfectly. I don’t know how I did that.

Everything I wanted to write about this totally escaped my mind 😅.

Gratitude

The December mood already kicked in (I don’t know whether it’s just my thing or do you all get it?). It might be a mindset thing I don’t know.

It comes with some wind of laziness. I’m in the corporate world so it might just get me in trouble real soon.

I have been late to work throughout the week (No one is yet to give me a lash, I guess my stars are aligned).

I live off grid in Taita Taveta County.

somewhere in Taita Taveta

Usually, we use motorbikes to move around, also known as “Nduthi” over here.

You are lucky if you are able to find a reliable “Nduthi” guy. Mine is sent from heaven. He is morally upright and very reliable.

Today, he made me realize I have been complaining the entire week. Majorly about fatigue and work. I guess today was his breaking point. I started, one second into it he cut me short and went like “unafaa kushukuru lakini,wajua Kuna wale ambao wanatamani kazi kama yako” ( I should be grateful, there are those who would love to have it).

He said the words in the most perfect coastal accent that I’ve never heard from him before.

I went back in my head and comprehended over his words. Usually we banter all the way to work. Today we had a very silent ride. Weird. His words nudged my heart a little too hard.

For today, I have decided I will try not to complain about anything. I am letting gratitude wash over me. Let’s see how this plays out.

I am allowed to nag about a toxic work place though right? Yes thanks. 😅