Shadow to my light.

Preachy Val still clocking in, honey.
Yeah, she’s back. Soft voice, loud truths.
Humor is on a small break on this one… you’ve been warned.

I was deep in conversation with my sweet friend Pauline the other day God, I live for our chats. You know those people who just hold space for your soul without even trying? That’s her. Every time we talk, something inside me shifts.

This time, the shift came hard and honest.

I realized I’ve been peeling back layer after layer of myself. Unlearning things I thought were gospel. Relearning who I am underneath it all. And you know what’s wild? The unlearning is the most painful part. It’s where the work lives. The sweat. The resistance. The soft breaking open.

I told her something I hadn’t even admitted out loud before… for a long time, I carried this quiet rage toward people who were born into wealth. You know, the ones who seem to breathe privilege like air. It wasn’t exactly jealousy, it was more like shame. I’d look at myself and feel less. Like I didn’t belong. Like I was on the outside of a world I didn’t even know how to ask to enter.

The latest layer I peeled? Whew! It nearly peeled me back.

One sweet soul once asked me, “Why have you placed so much of your worth on money?”

At the time, I laughed it off. But that question… it stuck. It whispered. It circled back.

And now I see it.

I see the friendships I slowly distanced myself from not because they were bad, but because I didn’t feel worthy of them. I told myself people were “out of my league,” but really, I had benched myself. Sat myself down on the sidelines of a life I deserved to be playing in.

The irony? I’ve read The Power of the Subconscious Mind more times than I care to admit. Tossed around quotes like “where focus goes, energy flows” like I invented them. Meanwhile, I was running on autopilot.

And yes, I’m that friend who’s always talking about healing (you already know this refer back to my previous TED talk lol. https://missinjairu.com/2025/07/07/healing-is-a-messy-masterpiece/). But at the salon yesterday, my nail tech said something that felt like a loving slap to my soul.

She said, “Kuomoka sio tu pesa. Ata mindset ikigrow, hiyo ni kuomoka.” Bingo!

Healing isn’t always loud. Sometimes it sounds like your nail tech whispering wisdom while filing your cuticles.

Truth is, my self-worth was paper thin. My decisions? Heavily dependent on someone else’s opinion. I didn’t know how to trust myself. I didn’t believe I could make me happy. And my attachment style? Let’s just say… if there were Olympic medals for codependency, I was definitely on that podium.

Looking back, I just want to hold that old version of me. Sit her down. And lovingly scream, Who did this to you?

But here’s the thing. And hear me when I say this, baby:

No one is out of your league.
You are not behind.
You are not too much or not enough.
You are already it.
You were born whole.

Please muffle the noise. Mute the lies.
You were never meant to shrink just because life bruised you.
You were born worthy. Don’t get in your own way.

So yeah… healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s a whisper. Sometimes it’s a full-on breakdown in a salon chair. But every peeled layer brings me closer to the core of who I truly am.

And as I sit with all of this…

I love the badass I’m evolving into.
I’ve owned my energy.
I am home with all my sides. The soft. The wild. The wounded. The wise.
I’ve stopped editing myself to be palatable.

I’ve accepted the woman I am. Fully. Freely. Fiercely.

And baby? I am genuinely enough.

Cheers🫶

“Healing isn’t linear.”
I know…I just hit you with a full-blown cliché. But hear me out okay? It only feels cliché until it’s your reality. Until you’re smack in the middle of it, trying to piece yourself back together with shaky hands and half a clue.

I’ve tossed that line around, to my friends so many times. It’s always easier to say when you’re not the one swallowing it like medicine.

Lately, our little corner here has been all about humor, gentle vulnerability, and loud self-awareness. But today, can we just… soften the landing a bit? Good

This one’s a warm hug to anyone going through the thick of healing. Anyone clawing their way out of the bottom barrel. If you’re in that space, please know, cliché or not… you are not alone. I mean that with every fiber of my being.

Personally? My body’s been waving red flags. Random blackouts, funny noises inside my head (like birds chirping), seeing stars, losing balance, I’ve been running on empty without realizing it. On Saturday, I almost kissed the floor with my already humongous forehead (yes, I did say we’d keep the humor light, but come on 🤣).

And this? This followed weeks of thriving. I was chirping all over the place about how okay I was.
See? It’s never linear. One moment you’re glossy and glowing, the next you’re unraveling quietly in a corner. But we move. Still. Always.

I know I over share here a lot, but that’s the whole point of this space….  to be entirely myself. I just hope this lands in the hearts that need it, and not the minds looking to judge it.

You’ve got this, babe.
In fact, you’re almost there.

PS…(Preachy Val hasn’t clocked in for a while, but here she is. Still hilarious, just also lowkey in survival mode. You know it’s real when this version appears uninvited, lol.)

Cheers. 💜