It genuinely doesn’t feel like a new year to me. It feels more like a continuation. You get me? As if we simply paused for the holidays and then picked up right where we left off.
That said, I’ve noticed something about myself…my mind stands firmly on business when it comes to protecting my peace. A few days after Christmas, I spiraled. I always get nervous when a year is ending there’s something about closure that unsettles me. But this time, it stopped as suddenly as it began. And then… nothing. No New Year jitters. No anxiety spiral waiting at midnight.
On New Year’s Eve, I spent most of the day disoriented. Something deeply nerve wrecking had happened, and it ran circles around my emotions. I was afraid I’d carry that heaviness into the new year.
That night, Kwame called.
“Val ovendi, kuzie CITAM kusandize Yesu.”
(Hi Val, let’s go to CITAM and thank the Lord.)
Heavy in my feelings, I replied,
“Karunu Dave, mbula kutura yengo da.”
(Not today. I genuinely don’t feel like leaving the house.)
That was it. The call ended around 9:00 p.m.
I have this habit, maybe it’s just my thing of replaying moments. I’ll think, last year, at a time like this, I was here, doing this. And it’s intense. I don’t just remember events..
I remember smells, tones, what people were wearing, how the air felt. That night, I tortured myself with those memories.
I was genuinely sad.
But I’ve learned how to hide my heavier emotions, not out of denial, but out of a desire not to spill negative energy everywhere.
The night itself was calm. It was just my mom, my sister-in-law, and me. My mom kept dozing off, but it was as if we’d silently agreed that none of us would go to bed before midnight.
We watched a few YouTube videos, I’ve officially converted everyone into watching this countryside girl I love, and now they’re more hooked than I am.
Around 11:00 p.m., my sister-in-law suggested we watch a sermon as we waited to usher in the new year. So we did.
All this while, I was quietly balancing tears.
The moment the clock struck midnight, I clapped. It felt like an exhale…deep, subconscious. Almost like I’d been waiting to say goodbye to 2025 more than I’d been waiting to welcome anything new.
We held hands, and my dearest mom prayed. She mentioned all of us…my siblings, me, the extended family. I almost lost it. In moments like that, the absence becomes louder. One of us is no longer alive, and yet life insists that we continue.
I held myself together.
We said the Lord’s Prayer and went to bed because we had to wake up early for church.
I woke up still carrying weight. Whenever my nerves are stretched thin, I avoid my phone, it helps me regulate.
As the day unfolded, so did my emotions.
Slowly, gently, everything began to feel okay. I don’t know what the ancestors did on my behalf, but the calm that eventually settled in me was undeniable.
That’s how I ushered in the new year.
I was intentional about not setting goals or making a vision board. Instead, I chose two words for the year.. ease and abundance.
And I told myself, I am ready to receive whatever surprises await me.
I also took a break from writing, I realized I was spilling far too much unnecessary tea.
Now I’m living quietly in Gimarakwa village, waking up each morning with a heart full of gratitude, continuing my soft, familiar rituals.
I’ve been binging metaphysics content and hear me out,.. that stuff is good. Every day I learn something and catch myself thinking, “okay… yeah. That actually makes sense.”
One statement has been staying with me lately…
“The people who truly win are those who know how to play the game mentally.”
And this one keeps landing even deeper..
“You will never be given more by the universe than you believe you deserve.”
The month is moving fast. And I love the texture of 2026, the continuity, the lack of intimidation, the way it arrived without demanding performance.
I’m sending out love and light.🌸
Cheers.
Shadow to my light. 
🥹
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