Phewks!
Well, I know the last time I wrote about galavanting I said I wanted to explore Kisumu to the core. I’m happy to report that…I haven’t done anything regarding that. If anything, my last trip to Kisumu ended at Quickmart, and I was back home like it wasn’t me who was being all enthusiastic about exploring the city. But hey let’s see how this goes.
Today, I woke up feeling like I should add something new to my galavanting bucket list; bird watching while listening to Kenyan old school songs. Totally random, right? Yeah… the price of living inside my head.
Also, I keep thinking about how much I love my village. I really do. But I’m mostly within the confines of home. I don’t get to do those intimate, candid evening walks. Why? Because my village just doesn’t genuinely feel like a village plus, people know me here so…
I get so attached to other villages. Like, when I visit any other village besides mine, I find myself thinking I wish I lived here. I romanticize those quiet morning walks. Currently, I’m stuck with skipping 30 times a day just to make up for the fact that it’s the only way I can move my body.
When I started, I got to 100 skips. Then I was like, “Okay Val, here’s the thing who set these diabolic rules? You’re going to do what you can depending on your mood.” And I meant it, because there are mornings I do 7 skips and I’m like, “Okay honey, enough… don’t kill yourself.”
I gaslight myself a lot into bad decisions.
I wanna live in Limuru. But I also wouldn’t mind Nanyuki. I still have my house in Voi. Malindi wouldn’t be too bad either. I just want to live somewhere I could exist without ever being known.
Okay, technically, if I ended up in Voi, I know I’d get a bunch of tattoos because somehow Fosky and Tonny wouldn’t mind turning my body into a drawing book for free.
Speaking of tats… wueh you guys! It’s never that serious. It’s basically just ink.
No, I’m not a member of any cult.
No, I don’t plan on sacrificing my family members.
And no, I’m not an antichrist.
According to my definition of immorality, my morals are actually quite in check. I tithe. I go to church. I read the Word. Ink doesn’t give anyone a direct ticket to being improper or anything it’s just ink, okay? Just like the two or four piercings you have. So next time you see me… spare yourself the overthinking. I’m not Lucifer’s sister.
I sent a voice note to my darling Shamim last week, and I told her that from that point onward, I didn’t want anybody reminding me about how life is short about how one minute a person could be here and the next they’re gone.
And I mean it. I don’t want anybody reminding me of that crap. It’s true, I know. But I don’t ever want to be reminded of the unpredictability of life again because, trust me, I am aware.
I’m speaking from the point of having experienced grief. I know how deep and painfully it cuts. I’ve seen my loved ones go through it… and it’s ugly. It’s not pretty.
So I just want to live my life one day at a time. I want to be present. I could die tomorrow. I could die in 50 years. But until then, I don’t want to dwell on how unpredictable life is. I just want to savour every precious second I’m afforded.
It’s one of those days when I just want to sit and do nothing.
My shoulder blades are on fire because I’ve been genuinely productive. Honestly, I never knew I could get such spasms from working on my laptop. I thought I was dying until I spoke to Loopsy, and he assured me I should brace myself for more.
Goodness, I’m just a girl. I’m exhausted. I haven’t worked a single bit today and I have deliverables to meet. Someone please replay this life thing because I wanna go back to being six years old. This adulting thing is first beginning to piss me off.
Oooops I almost forgot, I recently learnt the difference between Joy and happiness from Abu and I cried. It felt so intense and sacred. I’m definitely gonna yap about it here soon.
This was basically me voicing my intrusive thoughts.
Cheers
Shadow to my light. 