A love letter to myself

Dear Sugar,

How does it feel to finally be back home, to yourself?

First of all, wow! You have never written a love letter to yourself before. And look at you now, so comfortable expressing love inwardly. I love that for you.

I get it now, why it was once so hard to show yourself the kind of love you so freely gave to others. But I’m proud of how far you’ve come. I’m grateful that you no longer beat yourself up for the painful experiences you endured when self-love was just a foreign concept. The spaces you settled in, the people you tolerated, you see it all now, and you extend grace instead of shame.

What amazes me most is how, though it took years to reach this place of forgiveness, the moment the realization hit, you simply said, “F*ck that bullshit. I forgive myself.” Just like that. And it stuck.

You have written love letters to others , but today was different. Today, you thought, “wait a minute!” I deserve a love letter. And when you said, over and over again, “I love you. I freaking love you so much,” it was joyful, freeing. You didn’t cry, you laughed, because something inside you cracked open. Finally, you realized those words weren’t just meant for others. You could say them to yourself, and mean them.

You have looked for those words in others for so long. You love deeply, vulnerably, fearlessly. I know you’d go to war for the people you love. But it’s enough now, okay? You have given so much. Your cup was empty. And you know better now… you can’t pour from an empty cup. I love how self-aware you have become of that.

Just look at how you have been extending grace to yourself these past few weeks. I know a small part of you asked, “Why did it take me so long?” But you didn’t let that question spiral you. You caught yourself. Because you now know, it’s never too late to be better for yourself.

Just a few months ago, if someone told you “it gets better,” you might have laughed bitterly in their face. The pain back then was unbearable. Excruciating .You have broken down in strangers’ arms. Remember that week you spent unable to speak, afraid of choking on your own tears. You even flirted with the thought of not being here anymore.

You wrote to a friend in the middle of the night… “Death might be easy. I can’t do this shit anymore.”
She said, “Think about your mom.”
And you did. But you also thought about you. It didn’t make sense at the time, but you stayed.

You didn’t dare intoxicate yourself to numb the pain like you used to. You sat with it. Felt every bit of it. You cried more than a river. And still, you got up every day and carried the pain, without even noticing how slowly, it began to lift.

Look at you now. President of the “It gets better” club. But this time, you understand… it only gets better when you are intentional about it.

The breaking was necessary. You used to write in your journal, “It’s darkest just before dawn.” And here you are, protecting your peace fiercely. You have gone MIA, not because you are hiding, but because this season is for you.

When you are ready to re-emerge, the world better be ready too! You no longer doubt yourself. You no longer believe certain people or dreams are “out of your league.”

You are  unapologetically you, and it’s breathtaking to witness you ruffle your feathers like this. You are finally loving who you are, with no apologies. And that inner love is blooming…. because you know the universe loves you right back.

You see your flaws. You have made peace with them. You are evolving.

Yes, you have always been calm,,, this new calm though? It’s rooted. Grounded. Whole.

And damn, is it sexy watching you move through life with gratitude. Girl, in the past? You’d wake up bracing for the worst. Scanning for signs of doom. But not anymore. Now you know… the universe isn’t on a budget. You can ask for anything.

Your mindset is a muse. You no longer identify as “an overthinker” or “anxious” or someone with “shaky self-worth.” You have stepped fully into your essence, and it turns out, that’s where the treasure always was.

I’m proud of the woman you’re becoming, but even more proud of the woman you were, who didn’t give up.

I see you. I love how you wake up and simply choose to have a good day. You don’t react… you observe. Because you know now,  just because life isn’t always soft and glossy doesn’t mean you aren’t strong enough to handle it.

Your mindset is your compass now. It will carry you beautifully through life’s waves.

I can’t wait to see more of you. How you keep pouring into yourself, how you are going to leave love prints on every person and every place you touch.

It feels wholesome to be finally be back home to yourself yah?

I love you so much, Sugar. More than you can imagine.

Cheers.

Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun. View all posts by Miss Injairu