Month: March 2023

We barely have any trees here, birds are chirping from a distance I bet they seek refuge from the scattered shrubs. (She doesn’t really know if birds can survive on shrubs though, after she’s done here she’ll go do her research or she bets they do, okay its not a good thing that she’s exposing her dumbness this much.) It’s a calm evening. From another far end vehicles and motorcycles are moving past densely. Nothing of the evening wind can be heard blowing. (Okay please stop, yes we barely have any trees here dummy.)

It is so hot. She thinks to herself “How did I get so comfortable being alone?” Her mind immediately shifts from that thought. She thinks about home. She thinks about home a whole lot, today she’s comparing the two places. They almost feel like two different worlds. Back at home at this time of the evening it’s eventful. Birds always chirp, unlike here not from a distance. The dense sound of vehicles is replaced by a calming dance of tress majestically with a whole lot of pride swaying their beautiful succulent leaves.

Back at home you do not breath in dust, you breath in the scent of fresh air. At this time of the evening home buzzes with life. Cows are mowing their way calmly back from the grazing fields. Satisfied, because at home they have grass, they have beautiful grass. (Unlike here where you almost forget the feel of actual grass because dust is everywhere, here if she’s lucky enough to spot any grass she stops and marvels at the grass. Three months down the line she has barely seen any grass and trust me she ain’t pulling your leg here.) Mother hens and baby hens can be heard running all over and joyfully scratching in the ground for God knows what.

Children can be heard from a distance. The older ones getting back from school and the younger ones playing cheerful into the dark as they await to be summoned by their strict mothers over either forgetting to bath or getting back home late covered in dirt. Here she barely hears any children. Back at home if you step outside in the evening, you will notice smoke coming out from a few houses as most of the households have decided to kill this beautiful scene of art by adopting modern ways of cooking.

It is not scary bein home unlike here where she can’t help but feel a weird scare occasionally. But still it is just astounding how she has grown comfortable being in this weird place. A strange place where it rains for not more than five days the entire year, in fact the other day she witnessed something so weird, she kids you not it rained dust. The entire place was covered in dust you’d almost mistake that for rain. (She aware theirs an English term for that but today she’s decided to proudly expose her dumbness. wait is it an English term or a geographical term or a meteorological term. Shut up)

No evening wind. Dust all over the place. Goodness it is hot, the place is super hot. Surprisingly it gets even hotter in the evenings. Three years before today, she would swear with all her ancestors that not even in her next life would she consider staying in a place where temperatures fly off the roof like that even when it’s raining. JAMANI!. It’s crazy what adulting does to us.

No sunset to marvel at. Just a strange land. Somehow, over the time she has managed to feel at home here. How did this even happen? She doesn’t wash her curtains though ask her the reason and I promise you, you’ll giggle to death.

With all the calmness she could afford, she picked up the pace. She made sure that she mastered enough calmness she needed for her to stay on truck. All that was streaming from the realization she had made. As a result it paved way to the trajectory that she had long strayed away from. The whole time she was so lost, she had been approaching it from the wrong direction. It was a daunting hell and now she gave a sigh of relief.

It was during an era where almost every human had surprisingly been taken over with an obsession of healing and curbing anxiety. Healing and curbing anxiety was honestly a good spot worth obsessing over. It was a beautiful sight to see, the shift.

Well she had experienced her fair deal of anxiety and depression. Mostly, her episodes sprung from the wounds that lay deep inside her unattended. Inadvertently she would constantly prick them, enhancing the depth and intensifying the pain. Worse off she would nudge at her traumas, unaware she even had them.

She would constantly say to herself, “probably death will be more calming,” but really how was that even going to be possible with all the waves and noises she was yet to silence. Woefully, she had long given up.

It was time to put in the work. The world wasn’t going to stop for her. Whether she chose to frown at everything the world shoved her way, whether she chose to fight or whether she chose the slow death she was on, the world simply did not give any hoots. This was that sort of journey one decided on their own the manner they wanted the ride to go. And so she set on.

She embarked on it with all her might. Aware that it was going to be one bumpy rough ride. A journey that simply started with acceptance that there were aspects in her beautiful mess she needed to work on. She also was pretty much aware that financially she was at a worse place so therapy was nowhere close to being part of her cruise. The big ball with all it’s might was entirely in her court.

She deserved a calm mind. She deserved a life worth reminiscing over. She wanted to raise a generation that will be rooted in love because she was family oriented. At the end of it all when she had finally served her purpose and ready to cross over to the next world, she deserved heading their in peace confident that she had truly lived.

Currently she is moving and marveling at all the good things that path has to offer. She’s mastered to float pretty much okay when the waves come raging.

Well, it is pretty much okay and humane to be stuck in a dark place, just do not get comfortable renting that bad space, put in the work and move.