“We Don’t talk about class”

Before I jump into this writeup, I think it’s important for me to say this first… a person’s background has never been a big deal to me. It’s just… whatever. I consider it surface-level. I genuinely believe that with the right mindset and alignment, no one is ever out of anyone’s league.

That said, I think it’s safe to jump straight into my yapping. I’ll be writing as I go, so this might be a little messy but it will be entirely authentic, based on my POVs, sprinkled with my traumas and personal experiences. Haaaaaah!

This might come off a little superficial. It was inspired by a conversation on my favourite podcast, The Joyride. The episode was titled “We Don’t Talk About Class” (https://youtu.be/RptE32B0KcU?si=_DmgUUocc2-O-53J). Great insights. Great POVs.

The conversation mainly revolved around “dating up,” but from a male perspective and some of the things discussed stuck with me.

Classism and dating.

At some point, Wanjiru asks Ben, “Does it excite guys dating girls who are out of their league?” Just the question alone stirred something in me, and I was curious to hear his response. He answered with a very blunt, solid yes.

That sent me into my head, sorting through my own dating experiences.

I have been accused of being a “gold digger” not by the men I’ve dated, but by busybodies who thought they knew me better. Back in the day, that used to bother me a lot. In one or two situations, I even found myself trying to explain just how not a gold digger I was. But once I realized that people judge others based on their own traumas, I stopped. Truly whatever floats their boat.

For context, I get terrified asking or borrowing money from people. Most of the time, I just make do with what I have. Contentment.

Anyway, that wasn’t even my main point.
Growing up, I used to feel embarrassed about saying I was raised in the countryside. I associated it with naivety and all the negative stereotypes people love to attach to it. Slowly, I made peace with it. Then I accepted it. Eventually, I embodied it which explains why I’m now so loud about how much I love the countryside.

In many situations, I’m received very well… until someone asks, “So where did you go to primary?” and “High school?” And then, little by little, I see it in their faces. The judgment. The classism. How they start placing me just based on where I grew up.

About a year ago, someone asked me, “How do you manage to talk the way you do, yet you grew up in the village?” I didn’t even gasp. My brain literally stopped for a minute.

First of all how was I supposed to respond to that? And secondly how exactly are people raised in the village expected to talk or behave?

What I heard was…. “The audacity you have to be civilized, yet you are a villager.” And just like that, I was almost triggered back into the humiliation I once carried about my background.

So sometimes I find myself wondering “kwani, how are people from the village expected to behave? Can nothing good come out of the village?”

I’m not ignorant to the fact that many people in the countryside don’t have access to the kind of exposure others idolize. But that does not mean nothing good can come from there.

I digress.

I see the excitement men have when they “date up,” and I can almost understand it. Maybe if I were a guy, I’d understand it better. But as a woman, I know my deal breakers and they have nothing to do with someone’s background.

Have I been discarded before because of financial status or my approach to life? I genuinely think I have. Not because I was dependent, I wasn’t. But I think the guy wanted “status.” Someone to flaunt. Someone who drove a big car, made at least six figures, and maybe wasn’t obsessed with the countryside. I imagine my love for that life didn’t fit the image he wanted.

So maybe he just thought, “ebu niwache haka kaendelee kufigure out her shit.”

Still on the countryside… I’m loud about preferring it over the city, but I’m not closed minded. I’m open to wherever this beautiful life leads me.

As for men and classism, I think many men genuinely get excited about “dating up.” I think it does something to their esteem.

Making peace with this realization has brought me a lot of peace. I flow with whatever flows.

Side note…. I’ve never been a gold digger. But if I ever were, I’d make sure I was really good at it.

Cheers, loves.

Author: Miss Injairu

This is my best kept muse. Have fun. View all posts by Miss Injairu